Well she made me feel something that my species typically doesn't naturally, right? It takes a special kind of person to do that, don't you think? I'm not saying she was ALWAYS special to me, I mean when we first started talking I honestly thought she was kind of ridiculous.

[Man, that was forever ago. Jeez.]

And even when we first started being moirails, that didn't really change much. It took time. I can't honestly tell you when it happened, but at some point I came to realize just how important she really was to me. How much I enjoyed and wanted to be that person who she could go to about anything and who kept her in line. I enjoyed being important to her in a capacity beyond just that of a normal friend or even a best friend.

I... [Dammit, Egbert, do not get choked up now. You keep those emotions in line, mister.] Somehow it seems wrong and selfish to say that I needed her to need me. But I did. Because if it ever came to a point where she realized she didn't need me as her moirail anymore, I am not really sure what I would do. Would have done. If nothing else, her leaving did at least spare me from ever having to deal with that.

[Small miracles. Look what you've started though, Karkat. He can't stop rambling now. What was the original question? He doesn't remember. Did he even really answer it?]

I genuinely wanted to help her be a better person, I know she wasn't exactly the most likable girl. She had a lot of problems, even I will admit that. But I didn't want to fix her. Not once did I want to fix her mistakes or problems for her. I just wanted to be the one to guide her and keep her focused and let her realize what she had to do to fix herself. And I just...

[He gives a frustrated sigh as he loses that thought. Where was he going with it? He slumps back against the couch a little, voice going soft when he finally speaks again.]

I always wanted to be there for her. Above all else...that's what I wanted most.