What-- no no no, my eyewear has been handed down from the hands of irony god to irony god since the day irony first appeared on this planet. And not a single, unironic or uncool thing has touched them, ever. Babies stop crying and birds sing when I walk by because I definitely can't help the fact that I'm the coolest, smoothest dude to ever roam around.

And a small part of that awesome is due to my shades. Them just being on me makes them awesome!

[ The unseen threat is: if you say it again, I will pummel you. ]