John Egbert (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ghostytrainer) wrote2012-12-12 08:54 pm
ghostytrainer) wrote2012-12-12 08:54 pm
Entry tags:
- !ic,
- &video,
- ^aradia megido,
- ^dave strider,
- ^equius zahhak,
- ^eridan ampora,
- ^jack skellington,
- ^jade harley,
- ^jake english,
- ^jane crocker,
- ^karkat vantas,
- ^luke triton,
- ^raven,
- ^riku,
- ^rose lalonde,
- everyone leaves eventually,
- he'll miss you vriska,
- heartbreak or would that be diamondbreak,
- pale feelings
prank #37 | video
[When John clicks on the feed today, he's accompanied by not one, but two Lopunnies. The One of them (Casey, judging by the pink sweater) is half-cradling the other and stroking its head, occasionally making shhh'ing noises. A Shinx lays next to them, and in John's lap rests the head of the saddest looking shiny Gallade you'll ever see. John himself looks exhausted, though moreso in the emotional sense than the sense of needing to take a nap.]
[He stares at the screen blankly for a good minute before finally speaking, in a voice that sounds as dull and tired as he looks.]
Vriska Serket has gone back home. If any of her Pokemon found their way to you, please let me know. I want to make sure they're all accounted for. And if they did just...promise me that you will take good care of them.
[He falls silent again, looking as though there's more he wants to say. In the end, he can't figure out what to say and ends up tightening his grip on the (what appears to be) a piece of twine clenched in his right hand.]
That's all.
[Click.]
[He stares at the screen blankly for a good minute before finally speaking, in a voice that sounds as dull and tired as he looks.]
Vriska Serket has gone back home. If any of her Pokemon found their way to you, please let me know. I want to make sure they're all accounted for. And if they did just...promise me that you will take good care of them.
[He falls silent again, looking as though there's more he wants to say. In the end, he can't figure out what to say and ends up tightening his grip on the (what appears to be) a piece of twine clenched in his right hand.]
That's all.
[Click.]
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Where do I start?
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It's lame, I know, but pretending like nothing's wrong and being strong and shit? That's even worse.
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[John: understands feelings provided they aren't his. Then suddenly feelings are a mystery.]
Sorry, kind of used to being the one on the other side of this sort of thing. Usually Vriska was the one who needed to talk. But during the few times where I was the one who needed to get something off my chest, I at least sort of knew where I wanted to start. [He trails off, idly scratching Lucky's head.] Or maybe it was just easier because it was her?
[Oh wait, no that sounds terrible why did he actually say that part out loud?] No offense or anything! I'm not complaining it's just...she was special. Is special. She pretty much always will be special.
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[Man, that was forever ago. Jeez.]
And even when we first started being moirails, that didn't really change much. It took time. I can't honestly tell you when it happened, but at some point I came to realize just how important she really was to me. How much I enjoyed and wanted to be that person who she could go to about anything and who kept her in line. I enjoyed being important to her in a capacity beyond just that of a normal friend or even a best friend.
I... [Dammit, Egbert, do not get choked up now. You keep those emotions in line, mister.] Somehow it seems wrong and selfish to say that I needed her to need me. But I did. Because if it ever came to a point where she realized she didn't need me as her moirail anymore, I am not really sure what I would do. Would have done. If nothing else, her leaving did at least spare me from ever having to deal with that.
[Small miracles. Look what you've started though, Karkat. He can't stop rambling now. What was the original question? He doesn't remember. Did he even really answer it?]
I genuinely wanted to help her be a better person, I know she wasn't exactly the most likable girl. She had a lot of problems, even I will admit that. But I didn't want to fix her. Not once did I want to fix her mistakes or problems for her. I just wanted to be the one to guide her and keep her focused and let her realize what she had to do to fix herself. And I just...
[He gives a frustrated sigh as he loses that thought. Where was he going with it? He slumps back against the couch a little, voice going soft when he finally speaks again.]
I always wanted to be there for her. Above all else...that's what I wanted most.
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That's what being moirails is all about. If it means anything, I think you were good for her, John.
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You...do you really mean that?
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RIGHT IN THE KOKORO.][Unable to say anything because of a newly formed lump in his throat, John just nods in response. His eyes are just a little too bright right now but dammit he is not going to cry in front of Karkat, no matter how touched he is.]
[He takes a few deep breaths, staring at some highly interesting spot on the floor before managing to speak once more, though in a quieter voice now.]
You were right about that part, you know. My reason.
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Just let it out, John. I'm not going to look down on you for fucking crying of all things.
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I can't do that.
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[Because he's got it in his head that Vriska would be disappointed in him.]
Especially now that you asked, I mean who can just cry on command? Not me, that's for sure! Nope!
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I mean...
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Might be cathartic, though.
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Yeah well...maybe. But I really can't do it now that you've said something and we've had this dumb conversation about it. It's like when you're trying to pee but someone's watching you so suddenly you can't do it. My eyes can't pee right now.
[A very awkward pause as John realizes what the hell he actually just said.]
Wow! That was a really awful metaphor wasn't it? [He laughs.] Oh my god. Why did I think it would be a good idea to say that?
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Shut up.
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[WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HIIIIIMMMMM????]
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[Nothing. That's what he was thinking. And therein lies the problem.]
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