dave's gone. again. luda just showed up and i keep getting the disconnect message. i just thought everyone might want to know. everyone who knew him anyway. if you didn't then i guess you can just ignore this. and...that's it then.
[He leans in a little closer at that answer, eyebrows drawing in.]
You? Really? I mean thrusting your friendship on me like some compulsive companion donation spree is one thing, but I thought that was just you being completely blind to the rage and loathing I was exuding in your general direction for reasons I can't begin to fathom. But if it's a thing for you normally, then... why?
I mean, I'm a total fucking asshole who hates everyone, and yet I still get people who come and befriend me whether I like it or foam at the mouth in sheer disgust at the idea. You're... Okay, you're stupid and your taste in movies is shit and your buck teeth aren't winning you any beauty points, but I figured your cheery, optimistic antics would win over most people here.
[He says nothing for a minute, still looking at the carpet and trying to figure out how to best explain this. He was having the most trouble with figuring out where to begin.]
Did you ever wonder why there were only four of us in our session, instead of twelve? That would be because Dave, Rose, and Jade are the only friends I have. And it's because of Jade that Dave and Rose are even my friends in the first place. I don't know if the same can be said for them, but basically? I'm not very good at making friends, no matter how cheerful and optimistic I am.
Things are a little different here though. I have managed to make a few friends on my own but I'm not really that close to any of them yet. Which leaves Dave, Jade, and Rose as my only real friends. I already told you what happened with Dave. If I'm not pissing him off then I'm giving him a concussion and neither of those things are good for conversations. Neither does leaving every month or so. Jade is always with Soul, which is understandable since they're dating. And Rose...
[A pause as he grips his legs a little tighter.]
Sometimes it feels like Rose is the only one who actually wants to spend time with me. Which I'm not complaining about, I'm really glad that she does! But I don't want to keep her from anything or anybody that would be a better use of her time.
And that's...that's basically why I'm desperate for friendship. I don't like feeling so alone all the time. I don't mind physically being alone but as far as feeling that way...if that makes any sense? I'm having trouble wording this right.
[Karkat is patient for once, letting John find the right words to speak instead of forcing him to blabber out something insufficient and poorly explained. Once he does, though, his frown grows. This is actually sort of sad to hear, and it tugs at the pity-focused part of his emotions, or what he'd pin it as, anyway.]
[His jaw tightens near the last section, however, because he knows better.]
John? Stop worrying about Rose. She thinks pretty damn well of you and if anything she's probably glad to spend time with you. We are moirails, and even if I'm the one getting help from her most of the time, she does tell me stuff.
But the rest--you haven't fucked up that bad.
[He looks away now, expression darkening a touch.]
I'm going to tell you something, okay? I've done worse than you. I actually... [His throat tightens; it's hard to say.] ... got Sollux killed once. When we were playing Sgrub, I was his server player, and I didn't manage to get him in before the Vast Glub - this psychic shockwave thing let off by Feferi's lusus that killed every troll in the galaxy. And...
[He puts a hand to his forehead, thumb rubbing one temple.]
I actually knew about it through this memo. But I just thought he was fucking around, joking or something to try to piss me off, but next thing I know my screen's full of yellow and it's not honey and then Feferi's there reviving him through his dreamself. I fucked up there. I know it. But the thing is...
[He looks back to John.] He's still my friend. One of my best friends, in fact. So don't worry like that about Dave, okay? I mean... I'm not saying it's easy or that it's not something to feel bad over, but if he's as good a friend as you think, then he should stick with you still.
I can't do anything to fix him going back and forth, I'll admit, but don't forget what I said anyway.
[John still isn't so sure about Rose. Judging upon how their conversation about ten minutes ago went he's pretty sure she's upset with him over something. Maybe not though, it's hard to tell with her some times and Karkat did just say she thinks well of him. And he knows what he's talking about so...]
[As for the rest of it...he has no idea what honey has to do with anything, but the fact that Karkat is actually sharing this with him? Well it's kind of amazing, actually. Not the story, because that's pretty horrible and it makes John sad to hear it; but the fact that for once, Karkat is actually being nice to him. Trying to make him feel better, even.]
[And surprise, surprise: it's working. He does feel a little better. Enough to uncurl himself and sit on the couch like a normal person. He's even smiling a little now.]
I won't forget, because you're right: Dave is a good friend. I shouldn't give up on him, because he wouldn't give up on me. And... [A short pause.] thanks, Karkat. For listening, for sharing, for...well everything, really.
[Don't worry, Tsunkat Karkat. John understands that this sort of thing isn't easy for you. So he'll refrain from giving you a bro hug. The idea is highly tempting but he's pretty sure you're not ready to ascend to that level of friendship just yet. Baby steps here.]
[Instead, he's just going to...grin like a doofus.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[ACTION]
[He leans in a little closer at that answer, eyebrows drawing in.]
You? Really? I mean thrusting your friendship on me like some compulsive companion donation spree is one thing, but I thought that was just you being completely blind to the rage and loathing I was exuding in your general direction for reasons I can't begin to fathom. But if it's a thing for you normally, then... why?
I mean, I'm a total fucking asshole who hates everyone, and yet I still get people who come and befriend me whether I like it or foam at the mouth in sheer disgust at the idea. You're... Okay, you're stupid and your taste in movies is shit and your buck teeth aren't winning you any beauty points, but I figured your cheery, optimistic antics would win over most people here.
[ACTION]
Did you ever wonder why there were only four of us in our session, instead of twelve? That would be because Dave, Rose, and Jade are the only friends I have. And it's because of Jade that Dave and Rose are even my friends in the first place. I don't know if the same can be said for them, but basically? I'm not very good at making friends, no matter how cheerful and optimistic I am.
Things are a little different here though. I have managed to make a few friends on my own but I'm not really that close to any of them yet. Which leaves Dave, Jade, and Rose as my only real friends. I already told you what happened with Dave. If I'm not pissing him off then I'm giving him a concussion and neither of those things are good for conversations. Neither does leaving every month or so. Jade is always with Soul, which is understandable since they're dating. And Rose...
[A pause as he grips his legs a little tighter.]
Sometimes it feels like Rose is the only one who actually wants to spend time with me. Which I'm not complaining about, I'm really glad that she does! But I don't want to keep her from anything or anybody that would be a better use of her time.
And that's...that's basically why I'm desperate for friendship. I don't like feeling so alone all the time. I don't mind physically being alone but as far as feeling that way...if that makes any sense? I'm having trouble wording this right.
[ACTION]
[His jaw tightens near the last section, however, because he knows better.]
John? Stop worrying about Rose. She thinks pretty damn well of you and if anything she's probably glad to spend time with you. We are moirails, and even if I'm the one getting help from her most of the time, she does tell me stuff.
But the rest--you haven't fucked up that bad.
[He looks away now, expression darkening a touch.]
I'm going to tell you something, okay? I've done worse than you. I actually... [His throat tightens; it's hard to say.] ... got Sollux killed once. When we were playing Sgrub, I was his server player, and I didn't manage to get him in before the Vast Glub - this psychic shockwave thing let off by Feferi's lusus that killed every troll in the galaxy. And...
[He puts a hand to his forehead, thumb rubbing one temple.]
I actually knew about it through this memo. But I just thought he was fucking around, joking or something to try to piss me off, but next thing I know my screen's full of yellow and it's not honey and then Feferi's there reviving him through his dreamself. I fucked up there. I know it. But the thing is...
[He looks back to John.] He's still my friend. One of my best friends, in fact. So don't worry like that about Dave, okay? I mean... I'm not saying it's easy or that it's not something to feel bad over, but if he's as good a friend as you think, then he should stick with you still.
I can't do anything to fix him going back and forth, I'll admit, but don't forget what I said anyway.
[ACTION]
[As for the rest of it...he has no idea what honey has to do with anything, but the fact that Karkat is actually sharing this with him? Well it's kind of amazing, actually. Not the story, because that's pretty horrible and it makes John sad to hear it; but the fact that for once, Karkat is actually being nice to him. Trying to make him feel better, even.]
[And surprise, surprise: it's working. He does feel a little better. Enough to uncurl himself and sit on the couch like a normal person. He's even smiling a little now.]
I won't forget, because you're right: Dave is a good friend. I shouldn't give up on him, because he wouldn't give up on me. And... [A short pause.] thanks, Karkat. For listening, for sharing, for...well everything, really.
[ACTION]
tsunderehimself means he does get a bit shy at times like this.]Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just stop your whining about things because it's not as bad as it could be.
[ACTION]
TsunkatKarkat. John understands that this sort of thing isn't easy for you. So he'll refrain from giving you a bro hug. The idea is highly tempting but he's pretty sure you're not ready to ascend to that level of friendship just yet. Baby steps here.][Instead, he's just going to...grin like a doofus.]
Okay. You're right. So no more whining from me!
[ACTION]
Took you long enough.
[ACTION]
Long enough to what? Stop whining?