[John is seated on a piano bench, though he's facing away from the piano at the moment, using the instrument as sort of a backrest instead. In his lap sits a small stack of papers and the look on his face clearly says that he is all business today.]

[Brace yourselves.]

So I'm not sure why none of us thought to clear this up sooner, but it's come to my attention that there are a few things concerning the people from my universe that really should be addressed to avoid further confusion. Mainly: alternate universe selves, who's related to who, and how a sixteen year old can be a grandparent.

I have mentioned it to a few people already but basically it all boils down to something called ectobiology. To put it as simply as I can, ectobiology is the science of exploiting time loops to create babies out of paradox ghost slime. None of us were born in the typical human sense of the word, I created us all in a lab and then we went back in time on meteors and crash landed on Earth. And it's all thanks to a game called SBURB which I'm not going to go into too much detail about because it's really only marginally relevant and I will be here all day if I try to explain it.

Anyway...thanks to ectobiology, we have two family trees to deal with here:

( cut for lengthy explanation and terribad art )

Most of you probably don't care about any of this but I know there were a few people who were confused so I figured it would be best to clear it up now in case more of us show up. I probably missed a few things in this explanation but I was trying to keep it as short and simple as possible. So if you have any questions, feel free to ask. If I can't answer it, hopefully someone else from my universe can.