prank #37 | video

[ghostytrainer]

[When John clicks on the feed today, he's accompanied by not one, but two Lopunnies. The One of them (Casey, judging by the pink sweater) is half-cradling the other and stroking its head, occasionally making shhh'ing noises. A Shinx lays next to them, and in John's lap rests the head of the saddest looking shiny Gallade you'll ever see. John himself looks exhausted, though moreso in the emotional sense than the sense of needing to take a nap.]

[He stares at the screen blankly for a good minute before finally speaking, in a voice that sounds as dull and tired as he looks.]

Vriska Serket has gone back home. If any of her Pokemon found their way to you, please let me know. I want to make sure they're all accounted for. And if they did just...promise me that you will take good care of them.

[He falls silent again, looking as though there's more he wants to say. In the end, he can't figure out what to say and ends up tightening his grip on the (what appears to be) a piece of twine clenched in his right hand.]

That's all.

[Click.]

Comments

[ghostytrainer]

Alright. Thanks for letting me know, Karkat. I appreciate it.

[He smiles, but it doesn't have any of John's usual warmth to it.]

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[usedshooshpap]

You all right?

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[ghostytrainer]

I will be. It's not like it hasn't happened before.

[This is just the first time it's happened where here and Vriska were really close. She didn't really stick around long enough the first two times for them to be more than friendquaintences.]

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[usedshooshpap]

Not why I'm asking and you know it.

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[ghostytrainer]

[Sigh.]

Well it still holds true, even taking our moirallegiance into account. I don't really know what I feel right now. It's just this big jumbled mess and I don't even know where to start with sorting it out. But I'm not really sure if I want to make sense of it.

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[usedshooshpap]

It might not seem like it, but sorting it out will help. You have people around that can help, Egbert. I might be here, but Rose did lose a moirail. Even I went a long time without Gamzee.

Feeling a little lost is natural, if you ask me.

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[ghostytrainer]

[John's silent for a moment, thinking.]

Where do I start?

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[usedshooshpap]

By just talking about it. I tried the "keeping busy" shit and that just ended up fucking me over more in the end.

It's lame, I know, but pretending like nothing's wrong and being strong and shit? That's even worse.

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[ghostytrainer]

Well yeah I got that. I meant more...where do I start with talking part?

[John: understands feelings provided they aren't his. Then suddenly feelings are a mystery.]

Sorry, kind of used to being the one on the other side of this sort of thing. Usually Vriska was the one who needed to talk. But during the few times where I was the one who needed to get something off my chest, I at least sort of knew where I wanted to start. [He trails off, idly scratching Lucky's head.] Or maybe it was just easier because it was her?

[Oh wait, no that sounds terrible why did he actually say that part out loud?] No offense or anything! I'm not complaining it's just...she was special. Is special. She pretty much always will be special.

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[usedshooshpap]

Why not start there. The special part. Explain that.

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[ghostytrainer]

Well she made me feel something that my species typically doesn't naturally, right? It takes a special kind of person to do that, don't you think? I'm not saying she was ALWAYS special to me, I mean when we first started talking I honestly thought she was kind of ridiculous.

[Man, that was forever ago. Jeez.]

And even when we first started being moirails, that didn't really change much. It took time. I can't honestly tell you when it happened, but at some point I came to realize just how important she really was to me. How much I enjoyed and wanted to be that person who she could go to about anything and who kept her in line. I enjoyed being important to her in a capacity beyond just that of a normal friend or even a best friend.

I... [Dammit, Egbert, do not get choked up now. You keep those emotions in line, mister.] Somehow it seems wrong and selfish to say that I needed her to need me. But I did. Because if it ever came to a point where she realized she didn't need me as her moirail anymore, I am not really sure what I would do. Would have done. If nothing else, her leaving did at least spare me from ever having to deal with that.

[Small miracles. Look what you've started though, Karkat. He can't stop rambling now. What was the original question? He doesn't remember. Did he even really answer it?]

I genuinely wanted to help her be a better person, I know she wasn't exactly the most likable girl. She had a lot of problems, even I will admit that. But I didn't want to fix her. Not once did I want to fix her mistakes or problems for her. I just wanted to be the one to guide her and keep her focused and let her realize what she had to do to fix herself. And I just...

[He gives a frustrated sigh as he loses that thought. Where was he going with it? He slumps back against the couch a little, voice going soft when he finally speaks again.]

I always wanted to be there for her. Above all else...that's what I wanted most.

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[usedshooshpap]

[ no, John. Katkat gets it. completely. he often feels the same concerning Gamzee. there's part of him that wonders if Gamzee left him behind in Johto because he doesn't need Karkat. it's a thought that kind of hurts. ]

That's what being moirails is all about. If it means anything, I think you were good for her, John.

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[ghostytrainer]

I... what? [He's so caught off-guard by that last bit that he forgets what he was going to say next. Karkat's reaction to learning of John and Vriska's moirallegiance was something that John had never quite been able to forget.]

You...do you really mean that?

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[usedshooshpap]

I don't think the motive was right, but that doesn't mean that something good can't come out of it, Egbert.

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[ghostytrainer]

[RIGHT IN THE KOKORO.]

[Unable to say anything because of a newly formed lump in his throat, John just nods in response. His eyes are just a little too bright right now but dammit he is not going to cry in front of Karkat, no matter how touched he is.]

[He takes a few deep breaths, staring at some highly interesting spot on the floor before managing to speak once more, though in a quieter voice now.]

You were right about that part, you know. My reason.

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[usedshooshpap]

[ sighs. rubs his temples. ]

Just let it out, John. I'm not going to look down on you for fucking crying of all things.

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[ghostytrainer]

[He shakes his head stubbornly. NOPE.]

I can't do that.

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[usedshooshpap]

...Why.

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[ghostytrainer]

Because I just can't!

[Because he's got it in his head that Vriska would be disappointed in him.]

Especially now that you asked, I mean who can just cry on command? Not me, that's for sure! Nope!

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[usedshooshpap]

What a fucking baby...

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[ghostytrainer]

Wow, what happened to not looking down on me?!

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[usedshooshpap]

I won't look down on you for crying when you clearly want to. Might look down on you for rejecting your own feelings though.

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[ghostytrainer]

I'm not rejecting them! I'm just trying not to deal with them like a lame wiggler!

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[ghostytrainer]

[He definitely just worded it like that out loud, didn't he? Oops. Got a little too worked up. You could almost hear the 8 in lame there.]

I mean...

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[ghostytrainer]

Like a fucking baby. That is what I meant to say. Just because I'm upset and kind of stupidly touched because you don't think I was a colossal failure to her doesn't mean I have to lose my head and start bawling to understand that that's how I feel right now.