ghostytrainer | voice mail

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voice mail

Oh hey, what's up?

[There's a pause, perhaps you should tell him why you called. At least until he interrupts...]

Hey, that's cool, but guess what?!

[Another short pause, perhaps you should guess what is so important that John felt the need to interrupt your surely riveting story.]

I am not actually here right now! So leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can!

[You cannot hope to beat John Egbert in a prank-off. He is simply the best there is.]

Hehehehe...you totally fell for it, didn't you?

[Beep!]

((Please make note of the date and format of your message in the subject when tagging. ♥))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

hey you know how you have a house now

[ you mean the one you're staying at? ]

Edited 2013-10-19 04:06 (UTC)

[You say that like this is not uncommon among the Homestucks. He and Rose have texted each other from the same room before, this is nothing. #homestucklyfe]

yes?
why, what's up?
also, since we're on the subject, i think as of a few hours ago, we have officially moved everything in and gotten all the necessary furniture and all that fun junk.
so you know what that means, right?

[Time to...get this new house REALLY into the holiday spirit. >8D]

i have two

[ Houses, she means. ...But explaining that falls to the side because she DOES know what that means! ]

:D :D :D
time to decorate???

...two what?
houses? how did you manage that?

but yes, it is totally time to just deck this place in the holiday nines. >:D

im apparently the owner of the breeding centre now
which has two houses to its name
apparently
as well as a lot of pokemon and accounts
i think this means i have employees too
i should probably do something about them
maybe i should give them time off
or order the centres bedecked in holiday cheer
????????

okay i am so ready for this
where are our supplies :D

you seem...surprised by this?
what happened? i thought arturia was in charge of the breeding center.
did she just get bored or... wait.
don't tell me she left.

and we will probably have to go out shopping for most of the actual house decorating supplies.
and by probably i mean definitely because i didn't really have much of a chance to look around at that sort of thing when rose and i were out earlier.
but i fortunately DID have enough foresight and time to get some pumpkins and carving knives.
so we can, at least, do the most sacred of halloween traditions: jack 'o lanterns.
i am actually down in the kitchen setting up for just such an activity as i type this.

[Hint hint.]

i was just a travelling associate
i didnt expect promotion of this magnitude
although honestly i think a lot of us are all at the same level and sort of mostly in goldenrod
ive been helping out with the breeding a lot but
she admittedly was going on a trip and we were shutting down things for a bit but
im sorry

i dont mind going shopping for things
do you think we can get cobwebs or do you think spider type pokemon could spin them for extra authenticity
ive been reading up on halloween you see

i will be right down!!

yeah, i understand, that's kind of a huge jump there.
especially so out of the blue like this?
but it's okay, i mean we weren't super close or anything.
but she was cool, i enjoyed talking to her the few times that i did.

definitely authentic cobwebs, brilliant. do you have any spidermons?
otherwise i can borrow arachne the ariados from rose.

[Though he'll clearly have to do it without asking Rose for permission because how much you want to bet she would not take kindly to the idea of REAL, STICKY, 100% AUTHENTIC COBWEBS in her new house? Lord have mercy on this house.]

excelleeeeeent. i'll be waiting.

well to be fair we have been losing employees
seniority is pretty easy to build up
i know im senior to a few other people
but yeah i enjoyed talking to her to!
otherwise working for her might have been awkward

hrm
i do not but i can go and catch some if need be!!

[ Rose will clearly appreciate their Authentic Decorating skills, okay. It's just better not to worry her with the details!

John will be hearing footsteps soon anyway. DECORATING AHOY. ]

yeah, maybe just a little awkward.

i think arachne should be enough, i mean she's an ariados. spinning webs is her thing.

[And when she enters the kitchen, she will find that the table has been covered in newspaper. On top of it sit a couple of thin, double-serrated edge knives and some wide, flat scoops. In addition, there are four pumpkins and another six on the floor, making for a nice, even ten. This seemed like a good enough number to start with.]

[...that and, even with Pokémon to help, that is kind of a lot of gourds to carry.]

Yo!

[ Aradia doesn't quite skip in, but she is fairly bouncing with energy. If she had her wings, she'd be flying.

...Being a human girl, though, she doesn't have those. So she just goes up to the table, leaning her hands against the edge and beaming. ]

So jack'o'lanterns - do they have anything to do with the Jack you told me about?

It's highly probable that that's why his name is Jack, yeah. It's kind of a name that's associated with Halloween at this point, mostly because of these guys. [He gestures to the pumpkins before offering Aradia a red marker.] But I don't think he's the same Jack that started the whole Jack o' Lantern legend, I think it's just a coincidence.

[ Aradia promptly takes and uncaps the marker, although she's...not sure what to do with it. ]

Which Jack started that? I mean, what's the legend? ...Also, are we drawing on these?

Okay I will save the legend for after the explanation. Okay so, yes, we are drawing on these. But that is only the first step! [He turns his own pumpkin around, revealing a familiar looking red marker outline.]

Basically what you're going to want to do is draw an outline of a face so that you know where to cut later on. Because, in the end, these gourds are going to be hollowed out and we're going to stick a candle inside. So the parts that you cut out will glow. On Dave o'Lantern here, that will be the shades, the mouth, and his goofy little bangs. Make sense?

Ooooh. Should I make a Jade o'Lantern or something?

[ A KANAYA O'LANTERN? A KARKAT O'LANTERN? A ROSE O'LANTERN? she knows so many people this could go on for quite some time. ]

What do we do with the insides?

You can if you want! [There will probably be a full set of friend o'lanterns out there before this is done. Screw regular spooky jack o'lanterns.] You can carve whatever you want, it doesn't even have to be a face. Faces are just usually the most common thing.

As for the guts...hold on, that's the one thing i forgot to grab. [He wanders over to the cupboards, pulling out the biggest plastic containers he can find and bringing them back to the table.] We'll put them in here for now. I want to do some kitchen experiments later. Throwing them out is kind of a waste.

[It's time for pumpkin everything.]

Oh!! In that case, maybe I'll try for something...spooky? [ That is the point of Halloween, after all, right?

...OR PERHAPS SHE WILL MAKE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE HER LUSUS. That is what Aradia is drawing an outline for now, after a second's thought. ]

Will the kitchen experiments be delicious or nutritious or both? Also, will you be cackling evilly? Because experiments require that. I think!

Spooky is never a bad thing. And hopefully both though I'm pretty sure most things will probably end up less on the nutritious side. I'm not sure if I have a very good evil cackle but I can sure try!

[He has a good...mischievous cackle??? That's like the same thing, right? He picks up one of the knives and starts cutting a circle around the stem of the pumpkin.]

Once you're done drawing, just cut off the top like so and then start scooping. In the meantime though, I will tell you about the Jack o'lantern legend. At least what I remember of it. It's been a while.

I can do evil cackles for us!!

[ ...Hey John did you miss her creepy grin what if she adds some laughter to that.

What then?

...At least she'll pause to finish off her ram drawing, although the abrupt switch back to normal might be even more jarring. ]

Oh, story time! I love story time.

[...just when he thought that smile couldn't get any creepier.]

Right. Okay, well I promise this story has 100% less weird alien sex antics than the ones Aranea told that...you don't even know about yet anyway if I remember correctly. So forget I said that.

Anyway! The legend is obviously about a guy named Jack and he was something of an unscrupulous jackass. One day, he was having drinks with the Devil, but since he was a stingy jackass, he didn't want to pay for their drinks. So he tricked the Devil into turning himself into a coin. And...

[He pauses, brow furrowing as he pulls the newly-made lid off of his pumpkin and picks up a scoop.] Okay this is the part I'm a bit fuzzy on. Somehow he still manages to get out of actually paying for the drinks and keeps the Devil coin. He puts puts the Devil in his pocket next to a silver cross so that he can't change back. He eventually lets the Devil go, but only with the promise that he leave Jack alone for a whole year.

[He starts scooping out pumpkin guts.]

Tell me if I lost you or anything.

[ It can always get creepier. ]

Weird alien sex antics? [ THAT WOULD BE A HARD THING TO FORGET YOU SAYING, JOHN. ]

So...Jack tricks the Devil into being a coin for some reason - although why would the Devil need to pay for drinks, anyway? - and then somehow didn't pay for drinks and also kept the Devil.

Got it.

[ Also, she is raising her eyebrows as she takes a carving tool of her own to start on her pumpkin. ]

I am sure this ended completely well for him!

Yes. Oh but I don't mean like...she talked about troll sex and that was weird or anything, this was something completely different and okay we're just dropping this subject because it sounds terrible no matter what I say.

[One day, John will recieve the replacement for his brain-to-mouth filter. One day.]

But yeah, anyway, I never promised you that the story checks out logically. Legends and fairy tales tend to do that. [Scoop scoop, mmmm pumpkin guts.]

Actually though, it did work out for him okay! As promised, the Devil did leave him alone for a whole year. But once that year was up, he came back because I guess he still liked talking to the guy or something. Here's where I'm really fuzzy though. I don't remember what it was they were doing, but it ended up with Jack pulling a fast one on him again. He tricked the Devil into climbing up a tree to...pick a fruit, I think it was?

[John you are the worst storyteller ever. Ever.]

Once the Devil was up the tree, Jack carved a cross into the bark and promised only to let him go if the Devil left him alone for another ten years. Once again, the Devil agrees and leaves, keeping his promise. Because apparently the Devil has higher standards than a human being, who knew?

[ Liar. That day will never come! ]

...So, in ten years, does Jack trick the Devil again?

[ IT'S OKAY JOHN ARADIA'S STILL LISTENING as she scoops out pumpkin guts, gross.

Man, Aranea would be so incensed right now. ]

Surprisingly? No. Jack dies before the ten years are up. But since he was such a shitty person in life, he can't get into heaven. And unfortunately, there's two problems with him getting into hell. First of all: the Devil kind of hates him and secondly: technically he did promise that he'd leave Jack alone for ten years. So he sends Jack's soul away with nothing but a burning coal to light his way. Jack put the coal inside a hollowed-out, carved up turnip and essentially became Jack of the Lantern. He's supposedly been wandering the Earth ever since, or so the legend goes.

And I guess at some point they decided a pumpkin was better to use than a turnip because nobody carves turnips for Halloween.

So...the moral of the story is don't tick off the Devil if you're a horrible person who has to go to hell?

[ Human stories seem to have morals a lot.

She's learned this from storytime with the humans. ]

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