dave's gone. again. luda just showed up and i keep getting the disconnect message. i just thought everyone might want to know. everyone who knew him anyway. if you didn't then i guess you can just ignore this. and...that's it then.
I can see why you would now, when you put it that way.
[He sighs.]
It was cool the first time around, for a while anyway. Then after he passed out that one time things...changed. We got into a stupid fight over it and even though I apologized he just became distant. He was there, but at the same time he wasn't. And I still don't even know if that was my fault or what I did. It probably was though.
Then he came back and he didn't remember the fight or whatever it was I did that pissed him off so everything was great again! Or at least it was until I fucked up so bad that he got his head beat in because of me. [A nervous laugh.] Wow, there's another reason for him to just stay in the medium. If he does back, I will probably manage to get him killed somehow because I am just the best friend a coolkid could ever ask for!
[Karkat's jaw tightens then. For all he likes to play the asshole, and for all the difference of his situation, the guy does care sometimes. By the end of it, his hand, which had been twitching uncertainly where it lay, finally does reach out to touch his shoulder.]
John? Stop. Stop that shit right now. You maybe be an idiot - and don't bitch at me about that because I'm stating it as a plain fact, and I'm admitting for the record that I can be a pretty big dumbass myself sometimes - but stop thinking you're that stupid.
If anything anyone would get killed because I was too much of a fucking shitty leader to keep an eye on Gamzee.
[The fact that Karkat is actually touching him is enough to get him to stop trying to bore holes into the carpet with his eyes. The statement that follows? It's enough to get him to look turn his head and gape at the former-troll. That was pretty much the last thing he ever expected to hear.]
But that's because you are stupid. Always have been, always will be. It's like your superpower: ridiculous idiocy in the face of everything, including your own emotions.
Seriously, stop the whiny depressive act. You're supposed to be like, ridiculously cheery and oblivious and blathering on about how we're buddies or some shit and this is some monumental keystone in the foundation of our friendship and interuniversal palhomie relations, or something equally retarded.
[He's not exactly sure why that's funny but it kind of is so he giggles a little bit.]
So is this a monumental keystone then? Has this cemented our status as intergalactic bromigos? Is that what you're trying to to tell me in your own ornery way?
[Another small laugh, though this one kind of tapers off a bit.]
No, but I get what you're trying to do. And I appreciate it. But, you know...believe it or not? I am capable of feeling things aside from ridiculous cheerfulness and obliviousness...if that's even an emotion. Which it isn't. The point is: I do have the full emotional range. Give me a day or two though, I will put my happy face back on and then you can yell at me about what a clueless, cheerful fuckass I am until you're blue in the face.
Heh, didn't think so. But can you blame me for trying?
We have it because if you yell at someone long enough your face goes past red and turns a purplish blue color. I guess? I didn't make up the saying. What's a blueblood though?
[And it sort of is. Karkat could have worded it a lot worse than he did, John has no doubt about that. But what he said was enough to get John thinking about things that he'd rather not think about and definitely does not want to talk about. He's said enough as it is.]
There's not really much else to say. Dave left again, I feel like shit again, and I'll be over it in a day or so. Probably even less time than that! I'm kind of starting to get used to the idea of everyone leaving eventually.
[Yes but...FEELINGS. Can he just kind of...not share them?]
I'm used to it. I'm the multiple universes' number one shitting post, after all. You learn to be a jaded, pessimistic asshole with that kind of life. Makes the disappointments sting less.
[No one ever said he was heartening in his self-views, either.]
Hmm. When I said that, it was more about you humping my proverbial leg in... [Hello awkward metaphor time. Cough.] ... in a platonic, non-homosexual, friend-seeking kind of way. You have kind of--actually not kind of, but blatantly shoved the whole buddy thing at me even at my deepest moments of hatred for you.
But you said desperate for friends, plural, right there.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[ACTION]
[He sighs.]
It was cool the first time around, for a while anyway. Then after he passed out that one time things...changed. We got into a stupid fight over it and even though I apologized he just became distant. He was there, but at the same time he wasn't. And I still don't even know if that was my fault or what I did. It probably was though.
Then he came back and he didn't remember the fight or whatever it was I did that pissed him off so everything was great again! Or at least it was until I fucked up so bad that he got his head beat in because of me. [A nervous laugh.] Wow, there's another reason for him to just stay in the medium. If he does back, I will probably manage to get him killed somehow because I am just the best friend a coolkid could ever ask for!
[ACTION]
John? Stop. Stop that shit right now. You maybe be an idiot - and don't bitch at me about that because I'm stating it as a plain fact, and I'm admitting for the record that I can be a pretty big dumbass myself sometimes - but stop thinking you're that stupid.
If anything anyone would get killed because I was too much of a fucking shitty leader to keep an eye on Gamzee.
[ACTION]
[He doesn't even know what to say to that.]
[ACTION]
Stop staring.
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Sorry! That's just...I never expected to hear that from you.
[ACTION]
Shut up! I'm not always an unabating asshole.
[ACTION]
[Congratulations, Karkat. You got a small smile out of him.]
[ACTION]
Seriously, stop the whiny depressive act. You're supposed to be like, ridiculously cheery and oblivious and blathering on about how we're buddies or some shit and this is some monumental keystone in the foundation of our friendship and interuniversal palhomie relations, or something equally retarded.
[ACTION]
So is this a monumental keystone then? Has this cemented our status as intergalactic bromigos? Is that what you're trying to to tell me in your own ornery way?
[Another small laugh, though this one kind of tapers off a bit.]
No, but I get what you're trying to do. And I appreciate it. But, you know...believe it or not? I am capable of feeling things aside from ridiculous cheerfulness and obliviousness...if that's even an emotion. Which it isn't. The point is: I do have the full emotional range. Give me a day or two though, I will put my happy face back on and then you can yell at me about what a clueless, cheerful fuckass I am until you're blue in the face.
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Why do you humans even have an expression like blue in the face? You don't have bluebloods, do you?
[ACTION]
We have it because if you yell at someone long enough your face goes past red and turns a purplish blue color. I guess? I didn't make up the saying. What's a blueblood though?
[ACTION]
[That question makes him freeze up, though, and noticeably so. Tenseness seizes his shoulders; his eyes flick away.]
It's a troll thing. None of your business.
[ACTION]
Oh, I see. Okay then.
[Not going to push the matter because tense, awkward silence is better than pushing Karkat into rage mode.]
[ACTION]
Oh, come on. I wasn't trying to be that mean with it that time.
[ACTION]
[And it sort of is. Karkat could have worded it a lot worse than he did, John has no doubt about that. But what he said was enough to get John thinking about things that he'd rather not think about and definitely does not want to talk about. He's said enough as it is.]
[ACTION]
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[Please believe him. Everything is cool, Karkat.]
[ACTION]
[Nope.]
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[Please? Just leave it at that?]
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[He's listening now, John. This is a rare opportunity in friendbuddy bonding times. Don't waste it.]
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[Yes but...FEELINGS. Can he just kind of...not share them?]
[ACTION]
[This is harder than it looks. Rose he ain't, and he's better at sorting out feelings when they pertain to romance. Which this decidedly isn't.]
Fucking weird, seeing you play the pessimist. Stop stealing my job, John.
But what about the other part? You made that face at what I said.
[ACTION]
[Believe it or not.]
What other part though? The thing about me being desperate for friends?
[ACTION]
[No one ever said he was heartening in his self-views, either.]
Hmm. When I said that, it was more about you humping my proverbial leg in... [Hello awkward metaphor time. Cough.] ... in a platonic, non-homosexual, friend-seeking kind of way. You have kind of--actually not kind of, but blatantly shoved the whole buddy thing at me even at my deepest moments of hatred for you.
But you said desperate for friends, plural, right there.
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