ghostytrainer | voice mail

i kept telling myself dave you wont text your best friend while hes vacationing
i kept saying leave them to their bis because youre going to ramble on like a tool at him
so here we are i finally cracked like someone on a diet at the sight of the oreos
though why well never know
maybe i was hitting the oreos maybe i saw something that finally went i miss my friend and my sister
maybe im dying of curiousity to see if youre doing ok
or its all of the above so uh
ignore my stuff here
how are you doing on the great blue sea

[It would appear that John is away from his gear at the moment...to the surprise of perhaps nobody because how often does he do this. They really need to just staple the damn thing to his hand at this point.]

[The minutes keep on ticking by with no response. Are you just going to leave it like that, Dave?]

really
no wait i shouldnt be surprised
your gear is probably buried under fifty tons of crap or being suffocated with four plus layers of yarn in a gear snuggie
i wouldnt put it past rose to make one
i will forever say the only thing a device needs is a carrying case on your arm
like right now
youd actually be able to answer me instead of me talking to myself in the great abyss of when are you coming back im so bored right now

so jake never stopped being awkward
like hes even more so than before and i cant figure out why
or sure i wanna know why
i suspect its part of the triangle of fuckery dirk told me about
i am not into knowing more than what he says
im not that curious after the meteor of dumb decisions

its nice to have jane back
i really missed her shes a cool person to hang with
i think its going to take a while to warm her back up to me she keeps looking at me funny like im a crazy person free from the nut farm
ok i completely accept the fact that my family are not so stellar in the mental department
we carry around swords and rap on rooftops like this is a regular thing
dont tell anyone i said that
not even rose
because she pretty much already knows i mean god he ditched the fuck out of
no im not going down that road its behind me
anyways
yeah just pinging you all day today till you pick up your damn gear

while were on topics of the less ventured
i think whatever weirdness was going on with jade before is gone
we hang out watch movies and generally just be ourselves
you know how much i missed this
actually i bet you do because you missed her too
we cant ever let her leave
i will bolt her down to this plane never leaving
wow that sounds creepy later

youre a dick for never telling me about the pgc stuff the moment you heard about it
how could you let me down like that
when you go hero youre supposed to turn to me and go hey dave want to go kick some jerks in the face
or at least say so i need your awesome at my side
i dunno where i was going with this
you talk to rose about it yet im going to nudge dirk and jade
jade because lets face it who really rocked the house in the session
never leave the house without a shotgun jade did thats right
she put on the BOOTS and owned
but yeah well talk about this

i think its our duty to teach jade and rose how to skateboard
if theyre going to imitate us they have to do it right
they did get it right you falling on you face but we can fix that
ill take you all by the logic and show you have to make with the kick flips the sweet grinds and midair grabs
that ollie will yours just dont blame me for the bruises as you learn to get it right
its a hard knock life and pain is just a part of education
ill try to like break your fall sometimes though
this is domain none of you are all that familiar with on the account of not realizing how much you get a reflex work out from it
maybe we should try grind shoes too
hit the rails and get some cool flips going
i dunno im just tossing ideas out here
for a group activity id join in on even if we all ended up sucking at it
give it some thought

is this what you felt like when you were keeping us organized
this sense of what the hell am i doing trying to herd all these cats
yes cats
nothing else describes this
jane is that cat you only see from afar that isnt sure if she wants to bother with you
teen bro is the cat that comes to hang out with you when he wants to
has to be his idea and he ventures out for food more often than your love
not that he hasnt be the most stellar brother because he has been
glad hes here
anyway
uh
my metaphor is falling apart
gonna stop this message right here and save it before it goes overboard
we know it would go there if i kept on talking
later

this city makes a little uneasy
dont get me wrong its cool and all but the first time bro showed up he was here
some rockets tried to burn down the sprout tower and he got hurt doing the hero thing
because thats how he was and i didnt get to see him face to face
maybe this place is cursed
i hope not i bought this group of people that rolled in after we all did
i dont want to lose them here
this sounds really sad and theres no saving it
pokemon world life
i guess

Edited 2014-01-26 01:46 (UTC)

think its too forward to ask dirk to a rap off
i mean not like FORWARD that way just in the adjusting time way
i want to hear him rap
i heard at the concert and worked with it but
this is dirk two same dude just lacking those memories
i never really got to hear him solo
it was us then not much

im starting to think jade needs a leash
when i turn around she just wanders off to explore
its not a field trip stay with the group kind of traveling
people can go where they want to but when i cant find her at all when were ready to pull out i have to say
slip this around your neck so you know where to return to
i dont wanna leave a trail of mixes to lead the way back to civilization
some axe cutter might mistake her for a big bad wolf then where would we be
if youre thinking jade in jail
youre on the same track as me

ive been at this for most of the day
are you back yet or what

if youre not back by ten im going to just start coming up with a rap
wont take me more than a hour
badum badum pssssh and stuff like that
ill type it all out
obviously you need some sweet musical science to grace that heap of brightly colored wool and trapped under fifty tons of crap gear

[John actually gets back to the room just in time to hear his gear go off for the last time. Oh good, so this is where he left it after all! He'd been kind of concerned when he finally realized that he hadn't brought it up to the pool with them. Which he didn't realize until they were basically leaving the pool so that certainly explains why he didn't rush back to do anything about.]

[Perhaps foolishly, John does not rush right over to answer it. Whoever you are (probably Dave) You can hold your damn horses for like three minutes while he changes out of his swim suit.]

[More like eight minutes but you know what? He's on vacation. BUT OKAY, THERE. HE IS CHANGED AND EVERYONE IS SETTLED AND NOW HE CAN SEE WH-- what the actual fuck.]

[12 unread messages. Dave, somebody had better be dead.]

[No, jk please don't let anybody be dead. Not that they could be because lol Pokémon World but please don't let anybody be dead. Or grievously injured or anything like that.]

Edited 2014-01-26 02:30 (UTC)

[Let's just look at this topmost message first, even though it's the last one so that doesn't make a goddamn lick of sense to do. It's a good thing he did though because DEAR GOD NO NOT THE RAPS.]

[ANYTHING BUT THAT.]

god don't start rapping, hold on give me a fucking hour to go through all this.
why did you send me so many messages, holy shit.
nobody's dead are they? or missing or hurt or anything like that?

oh there you are
no ones dead or missing though jade really tries in that department
actually i think its less trying shes just excited to be here
i have talked to you in a week or so i had a lot to say
i was trying to go the whole time without cracking but whoops

my god you're such a dork.
sometimes it really boggles me that people think you are legitimately cool.
anyway, yeah here i am. we were up at the pool.
dj keeps making attempts to go overboard so we have to distract him with the pool every once in a while.
and stella wanted to go in tonight so we stuck her in a little innertube and let her float around it was so damn cute.

[Rose took pictures, don't be surprised if John ends up sending you some. You need a precious baby Gothita in an innertube in your life, Dave. Also this is preparation for when John actually has human babies. Because if you don't think you're going to get spammed with pictures, you have another thing coming my friend.]

but okay to address basically everything you decided to bomb me with:

so am i an oreo now? is that what i am supposed to take away from this? do you miss my creamy filling, dave?
jesus, though this is a three week long trip. i honestly would have been hurt if you didn't text me at least once. :(

is jake awkward around you or just dirk and jane?
or like...awkward in general?
you gotta be more specific, man.

don't worry, i won't tell rose.
but i'm sure jane will warm back up to you soon. event though, yes, everyone in your family is nuts.
but she's good friends with dirk, right?
so i think she just needs a little time to get used to everything again.

i'm glad you're not awkward around jade anymore.
though i think bolting her down might be crossing a bit of a line.
we'll have to find some other method of keeping her here.
i did really miss her though, but at the same time i was stuck with her for three years.
so i think in this case you might have missed her slightly more than me if we're taking residual memory stuff into account here.
i've got three years worth of zany ship adventure memories with her that you don't have and will never know about. :P

and ok look i wasn't sure if i could tell you! it was super secretive, i didn't even tell rose at first!
but i have now, yeah. we talked about it the other night and i told tenten so i think that's going to be A Thing.
but i promise next time i join a super secret society of crime fighters, i will only do it if you are RIGHT THERE NEXT TO ME AT THE TIME OF ADMISSION.
happy now?

i'm all for group activities next time we get together but i have no fucking clue how to skateboard.
that's all i have to say there.

not really, no.
i never really felt like i was in charge of the group when we all traveled together.
so i didn't really feel like a cat herder.

violet sucks balls how long have i been telling you that it's basically cursed?
it's not actually a city.
it's a void of suffering masquerading as a city.
i have said this for years but, just like betty crocker being evil, nobody wanted to believe me.
but now you believe me.
lesson learned: when john says something innocuous is evil, he is definitely 100% correct.

uhh...i don't think i can help you with the rap off thing.
like i would just say for for it man he's your teen brother-dad and you've been sharing a room for how many months now?
i would think that would be weirder than asking for a rap off.
but what do i know about rap ninja etiquette. i know only the prankster's gambit.
and in that case, i feel no apprehension at all.
i'm just just trying to think of a really good one to use on her.
biding my time before i strike.

please don't put jade on a leash.
i get exactly what you're saying but i think a leash might be crossing a line.
maybe we should invest in a jade whistle.
emits frequencies only jade harley can hear.
or get her a shirt.
"if found, please return to dave strider."
then you can get a matching one: "i am dave strider."

and okay there i think that about covers everything.

pretty sure jade would punch me if i did that or find it funny
im not exactly sure which

rap ninja etiquette is you wait for the guy to settle then you knock him off his game
so yeah its about time to throw down the gloves and go pickem up because im going to make you eat that synthetic leather
with salt

hey hey youre not always correct
this city isnt that evil nothing bad happened on my birthday when i was here

ok makes sense

very happy so full of joy i could explode into cotton candy colored confetti with a load of fireworks bursting into the air
i would make the easter bunny look lazy

rude dangling that in front of me
well i have three years of funny hijinks i wont talk about either
so ha

yeah she just needs some time
and
you ever notice davesprite its around
dont you find that a little weird

yes thats right i want to lick up all your creamy filling and swallow you down
uh
i mean chew you up
wait shit
fuck dont take that that way
its not MEANT like that
oh my god
im going to just shut up now

Edited 2014-01-29 07:45 (UTC)

you know if it weren't for the bro code, i would probably show that last bit to rose.
because that sure was something there, dave. that sure was a thing you just said to me.
and it's fucking hysterical part of me wants to believe that you noticed what you said but just left it there anyway because it was ridiculous.
either way though: you've been saved by clause 11, paragraph 3b, my friend.

so would you like me to dangle something else in front of you, then?
something that's rude, but in a different sort of way? ;)

[He's just fucking with you now, Dave. Rose would be proud if she had any idea this conversation was happening. But she doesn't. Because of the bro code.]

Edited 2014-01-29 20:56 (UTC)

what

what what? ;)

[IT'S A SIMPLE YES OR NO, DAVE. DO YOU WANT HIM TO DANGLE HIS DONGLE FOR YOU OR NOT?]

you can knock off the winking
she taught you that didnt she
or you read it in the book
why did you read it
why not just skim it and pretend you did

wow, assuming i can't come up with something like winky emotes on my own.
rude as hell, dave.
（○゜ε＾○）～☆

what are you talking about though? what book???

Edited (SO MUCH HTML FAIL) 2014-01-29 22:49 (UTC)

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