ghostytrainer | voice mail

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voice mail

Oh hey, what's up?

[There's a pause, perhaps you should tell him why you called. At least until he interrupts...]

Hey, that's cool, but guess what?!

[Another short pause, perhaps you should guess what is so important that John felt the need to interrupt your surely riveting story.]

I am not actually here right now! So leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can!

[You cannot hope to beat John Egbert in a prank-off. He is simply the best there is.]

Hehehehe...you totally fell for it, didn't you?

[Beep!]

((Please make note of the date and format of your message in the subject when tagging. ♥))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

1. JOHN, YOU ARE ABOUT AS SUBTLE AND SNEAKY AS A BABY HOOFBEAST IS STABLE ON HIS LEGS. YOU ALSO ARE NOT VERY, UH...
QUIET.
2. I'VE SEEN IT ALL JOHN. YOU CANNOT HIDE YOUR SHAME.
3. FUCK YOUR W/E.
4. FUCK YOU IN GENERAL. ALLOW ME TO RAISE TWO MIDDLE PRONGS IN YOUR DIRECTION.
NO POTENTIAL WEAPON SHOULD BE SO CLOSE TO VITAL REGIONS.

1. i can be all three of those things when i want to be. i wouldn't have been able to pull off half the pranks i have if that weren't the case. case and point: rose's hair.
i rest my case.
2. watch me.
3. no u.
4. it could have been worse. she could have said "hey, do you want to get your dick pierced?"

1. I'VE SEEN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE JOHN. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ABLE TO PULL ONE OR TWO PRANKS DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A THIEF CLASS OR A NINJA.
2. AT LEAST YOU ADMIT THAT IT'S SHAMEFUL. I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
3. NO ME WHAT? THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.
4. ...OH GOD. THAT'S NOT A REAL THING THAT HAPPENS IS IT?

1. this is true and i never claimed to be a theif or a ninja. my only point was that i CAN be quiet, subtle, and sneaky when i want to! meaning i am capable of jerking off without being found out.
2. there is no more number 2, we're done here.
3. your face doesn't make any sense.
4. yes. that is actually a thing that some people really, truly, and willingly do. and before you ask: no i have no idea what the hell is wrong with them.

1. YOU DO KNOW THAT, ONCE AGAIN, I HAVE SEEN YOU DO THIS. RIGHT, JOHN?
2. NUMBER TWO WILL NEVER GO AWAY. NOPE. IT WILL ALWAYS BE HERE, FLOATING IN THE BACK OF MY MIND.
3. YOU NEVER MAKE ANY SENSE SO I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED.
4. ...I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK.

1a. trollian doesn't count.
1b. we're not talking about this. ever.
3. i make more sense than your face.
4. there are some things that i will actually agree with you on when you say humans are weird. this is one of those things.
because it's basically terrible and i will never understand why anybody thought that it was a good idea.

1A. TROLLIAN TOTALLY COUNTS. I'M LIKE CEILING CAT WITHOUT THE CEILING.
1B. IT APPEARS AS THOUGH WE *ARE* TALKING ABOUT IT.
2. THIS IS STILL HERE, DIPSHIT. IT'S NOT GOING AWAY.
3. I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT HAVING ANYTHING "MINOR" WRONG WITH YOUR NEURONS.
4. I'M ERASING THAT BIT FROM MY MEMORY BANKS AND HOPING THAT IT NEVER RETURNS.

Edited 2013-05-22 00:33 (UTC)

1a. no.
1b. no.
2. no.
3. why thank you for saying there is nothing wrong with my brain. it means a lot, coming from you.
4. you are going to think about it every time you look at your ears.

1A. YES.
1B. FUCK YES.
2. HA HA HA!! I GOT YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE TWO.
3. I WAS GOING TO SAY "MAJOR" IN IT'S PLACE, BULGESUCKER.
4. NO, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO REMOVE MINE TONIGHT.

1a. no.
1b. hell no.
2. fuck you.
3. but you didn't so i interpreted it how i wanted to!
4. your earrings or your brain?

1A. I SAID YES.
1B. THAT'S A FUCK YES.
2. THAT'S NOT MY JOB, BUT RATHER IT'S ROSE'S.
3. YOU KNEW WHAT I WAS IMPLYING, ASSWIPE. DON'T PRETEND OTHERWISE.
4. MY EARRINGS, DUH!

1a. and i said no.
1b. definitely a fuck no.
3. shhh let me have my dreams.
4. wait what? why did you even go through with it in the first place if you are just going to let them close up that doesn't make any sense.

OKAY I AM DINE WITH THIS NUMBERING BULLSHIT.
IT HAS GOTTEN PASSED THE AMUSING STAGE INTO THE TEDIOUS NOOKBITING ONE AND THAT MEANS IT'S OVER.
I WENT THROUGH WITH THE THING BECAUSE ROSE.
THAT SHOULD BE A SUFFICIENT ENOUGH REASON.
IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE AN ASS ABOUT THAT THEN YES, I WILL LET THEM CLOSE UP.

yesssss. i win!!
hehehehehehe.
my god though, come on man, i was just teasing you.
put yourself in my shoes, you can't honestly tell me if the situation were reversed that you wouldn't give me a hard time about it.
at least give it some time and see how you feel before you go pulling them out just because i am being a bro and doing what bros are supposed to do.
did you ask vanitas what he thinks?

...YEAH, YEAH. OKAY.
YOU HAVE ME THERE.
I'D DEFINITELY RAG ON YOU UNTIL YOU WERE SOBBING ON THE FLOOR, BEGGING FOR ME TO STOP.
VANITAS, THOUGH?
HE ISN'T APPALLED BY THE IDEA AND THINKS IT LOOKS GOOD.
WHAT HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IS *WHY* EVEN AFTER I EXPLAINED IT.

that's what i thought!
it's probably because he doesn't know rose as well as we do.
perhaps one day he will understand.

SOMEHOW I'M NOT SURE HE EVER WILL.

why do you say that?

BECAUSE I AM PRETTY SURE THAT NOT EVEN *WE* FULLY GET HER.

well i didn't say he had to!
just at least as well as we do. which, you are right is probably not an absolute understanding.
but it's more fun that way. at least i think it is.

YOU *WOULD* THINK IT'S MORE FUN THAT WAY.

well yeah.
it's boring once you know everything there is to know about a person.
or anything, for that matter.
everything should always have some degree of mystery to it. something unknown that keeps your interest piqued and allows for happy little surprises every so often.

JOHN.
MAYBE YOU FORGET THIS, BUT I AM SORT OF A SUCKER FOR PREDICTABILITY.
SURPRISES AND KARKAT THROWN INTO THE BATTER OF LIFE DO NOT TEND TO BLEND WELL ENOUGH TO TASTE RIGHT AFTER THE HEAT IS ON.

i'm not sure if i should be touched or laugh at the fact that you seem to have gone out of your way to make a baking metaphor for me.
you really should try and loosen up some though, dude. sometimes surprises are a good thing!

IN OUR LIVES, JOHN, CAN YOU NAME AT LEAST THREE INSTANCES OF GOOD SURPRISES?
I CERTAINLY CAN'T.

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