ghostytrainer | prank #44

Current Location: saffron inn

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prank #44 | text

[Hello Pokémon World. It's almost 3 in the morning and who all is still awake at this hour? Aside from John, who hasn't slept (save for occasionally nodding off for a few hours here and there) in nearly five days now. But unlike the past three nights, apparently tonight he's feeling kind of chatty.]

[Too bad he doesn't really have anything worthwhile to say...]

ok so i know there's a shit ton of stuff here that doesn't make a lot of sense.
you know like... how everything lays eggs, even the mammals?
and ghosts? ill nrver get that one at all, even if i pride myself as somethign of an ectobreeder.
and don't even get me started on fly just...
that's dumb.
SO DUMB.
but w/e, do you ever just like...sit there adn really think about some of this stuff?

like zubat.

what is even the deal with those fuckers?
they don't have any eyes. but for SOMW REASON they learn mean look.
how can they give ANYTHING a LOOK, MEAN OR OTHERWISE????
it's like how wooper can learn ice punch.
WIHT WHAT ARMS, I ASK YOU??? i am like 1000% sure you need arsm in order to punch someting.

maybe even over 9000% sure of that.
it is not possible to be more postibve of anything than i am right now about needing arms for punching.

no ok i lied we're gointo talk about the flying thing.
like how does that even work you get the hm and you use it on your bird or dragon or whatever is it just like
OH SHIT SON.
IT'S THAT THING I ALREADY KNWE HOW TO DO.
THE THING I DO BASICALLY EVERY DAY BECAUSE I'M A BIRD AND THAT'S HOW I GET AROUND.
BUT NOW I CAN *CARRY YOU*. YOU AND *ALL OF YOUR CRAP*.
what an astounding revelation your pokemon must be having.
okay, all you lucky ducks out there who can read your pokemon's minds or whatever i gotta know.
what's going through your bird/dragon/giant automaton ghost's mind when you crack the fly hm over their heads.
someone get back tome on that.

goddamn i wish i was a poketelepath.
like that would just be the coolest fucking thing. be able to talk to them in your mind and stuff.
crzy mind conversations all day, everyday. with ALL of your pokermon, not just the psychic types.
so.
cool.
only vaguely related, but i miss being able to fly on my own.
i liked it better when i didn't knoe i had powers so i had no idea what i was missing out on. :(
now it's just like "man, john, remember when you had super strength and could do the windy thing and it was basically awesoem? NOT ANYMORE, BUDDY, SORRY."
oh well, i guess.
that's the way the cookie crumbles!

speaking of cookirs, i wonder if it's possible to make literal pancakes.
like using cake batter insread of pancake batter.
but making it ina frying pan on the stove instead of in the oven.
holy shit.
i think i know what i'm goign to do once i'm done watching ghost eraser 3.
dave. dave if you're reading this you should totally come over to my room and help.
we'll do it for scinese.
wait no.

fuck science.
i forgot that science blows and is basically completyl inferior to magic in every way.
let's make kitchen magic, dude. it'll be great.
jade, you can come too even thouhg you think sciende is cool. i won't hold it against you.
even if you're still totally WRONG about that particular issue.

oh but rewind for a sec, let's talk about ghost eraser.
these are actually pretty okay as far as johto moives go. not as good as ghostbusters, sure, but not terirble either.
it's much less of a dissapontment than con dragonair, which is not even close to ebing the same thing as con air which is BASICALLY THE BEST MOVIE EVER, just saying.
i mean they fight a haunted janitor in the first one, pretty damn sweet. in ghost eraser, i mean. not con dragonair, we're not talking about that disappointment anymore.
nope nope.
but it's pretty much impoddible to be a better ghost hunter mobie than ghostbusters.
i m p o s s i b l e

holy shit when did it get to be 3am?
doing the time warp over here or something because i swaer it wasn't that late last i looked at the clock.
ahahahahahahahahahaha.
fuck.

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[He stops for a second, pausing to take in the fact that of all times, John uses now to make that threat. Normally they just don't bring the topic up. It's one of those things that they know but don't bother with discussing. Some things he just had to accept and move on because the concept of understanding it would break his brain.

He makes a rude sounding snort and keeps walking.]

You might have pushed the button but that doesn't make you my dad. You're like that factory worker on the assembly line. Everyone will give you a weird side-long stare if you say it but you've gone and whispered it like you're actually genetically related to me.

Oh no, no. No, I am not your daddy, Dave. This is more serious than that. I did not supply the genetic material that created you, I am responsible for it even existing in the first place! [He reaches his right hand around and attempts to stick it in Dave's face, likely with moderate success given the angle. He's probably ineffectively slapping Dave's cheek like his hand is some kind of brain-dead fish out of water.] With this hand Dave! This hand. You owe your entire existence to this hand.

[And the faithful Dr. Meowgon's butt. Actually, in Dave's case, that kitten's butt is really the one that made him. Not that anybody will ever know this fact, and that's probably a good thing.]

[You owe your existence to your best friend and a cat's backside, Dave. How does this make you feel?]

[Let's not discuss the fact a nerd and a cat's ass are responsible for his existence. There are some aspects of science that must never be revealed.

He bats away the hand lightly tapping his cheek. It's like John is a seal sometimes with the way he flops around. Dave snorts and sways on purpose to throw off his best friend's attempts to wriggle or flail free of his tight hold.]

Are you listening to yourself or, just letting your mouth flap?? Next you're going to say you birthed me or something like that.

I may as well have!!!

[He's not laughing at all. He is completely serious about this, apparently.]

You were my little blond bundle of joy, or at least one of them since technically I had four. You loved me and I, you. You clung to the side of my head and everything like some kind of adorable little baby...duck-monkey. Like you were a monkey with the cuteness of a duckling or something. Or maybe a kitten? Kittens climb, right? That's totally what you were.

Dave "Kitten" Strider. That's your new middle name, I am giving it to you because I can. Because I made you, Dave. I made yoooooouuuuu.

[Dave, for the love of god get to the bedroom and drop him on the bed. And then run. Just run and pretend this conversation didn't happen. Pretend John isn't giggling while thrown over your shoulder right now.]

Oh my god, if I didn't know any better I'd say you inhaled some shrooms, holy shit. [What does he do when his friend is so tired they're zonked out of their mind? He laughs as he kicks open his door and slips inside. His pokemon look up from milling about with Pyralspite and Snoop fluttering their wings in greeting.

The bed is near, can John feel it calling to him?]

I'm going to do the best thing I can for you. Are you ready for this?

Trust me, I didn't. I would definitely be puking down your back right now if that were the case. Hahaha.

[Ask Rose about it sometime, Dave. It was a fun experience for everybody.]

No but the best thing you could do right now is put me down!And then we can go back in the kitchen or in the living room and bust out the instruments! Jam session!

[When John's saner, he'll ask about that admission. He reaches up to grab John with both hands and falls towards the bed. They both it hit and he keeps his hold on his best friend so he won't scuttle away to do other things. So Joh won't try to squirm away, he makes himself comfortable. No going anywhere for a while.]

[...Dave did you seriously just suplex John onto the bed? Yes. That would be a yes. Wow.]

[Wow.]

[Predictably, John does start squirming and generally making a fuss because he's long since part the point of behaving like a functional and rational human being.]

Dammit Dave, come on let me go! Let me g--

[The buzz of his Pokégear on the bedside table makes him stop struggling for a moment to look at it. New message(s?). He leans over, reaching for it, dragging Dave along with him if he has to because fuck your curfew, he needs to see who is contacting him now.]

[He lets go of him so he can answer his gear. But Dave stays where he is, ready to tackle or pin John down so he will follow the rules of bedtime. Aren't you glad an elder Dave didn't raise you, John?]

[Really glad. At least Dad never tackled him for breaking the bedtime rules. Sure enough though, John missed more than just one message while he and Dave were out dicking around in the kitchen.]

[There's one in particular though... one in particular that makes his eyes go wide and his mouth hang slightly open. And for the first time since Dave crawled in the window, most likely, John doesn't look quite so nuts.]

Um... Dave?

Yo? [He's sitting on the bed by now, completely at ease. John's not going anywhere if he can help it. He raises an eyebrow at his expression.]

Err... don't take this the wrong way but could you maybe uh... go away for a minute? Or five? Or...

[A beat. Wow this just sounds terrible. There is probably a nicer way to say this, but fuck if he can think of it right now. So may as well just cut to the chase and hope Dave gets it:]

It's Rose.

[And he's not entirely sure what to do about this. He's happy but at the same time...]

[Dave slips off the bed without a word and walks out. The door clicks shut behind him.]

[Once alone, John spends a few minutes staring at the screen and trying to figure out exactly how to respond to this. He's feeling a strange mixture of emotions that, in this sleep deprived state he can't really sort out.]

[But the conversation ends up going amazingly well, all things considered, and one promise to sleep and half an hour later, John pokes his head out of the bedroom door. Dave didn't... take him too seriously and leave leave, did he?]

Dave? Dude, you still here or did you bail?

Did who bail? [From John's right, Dave appears as if he could still flash-step. He'd went out on the town and grabbed some pancakes at the twenty four hour dinner downtown. It's cheap, it's terrible for him, but who really cared it was food.] No, I just grabbed something since I was promised pancakes by a crazy baker man and he was too insane to deliver.

Wow. First off I am not crazy and secondly I tried to deliver! You were the one who decided to treat me like potatoes and call the whole thing off early. I was totally willing and ready to make pancakes for you.

[So rude, Dave. So fucking rude. He's perfectly sane.]

How many days have you been up, you're starting to sound like you got a drawl going. [He drags the words out, purposefully making the most stereotypical Texas accent he ever could. It goes back to normal right after that as he takes a bite of the last of his food, a slice of bacon wrapped in toast.]

We can test magical theories on baking in the morning. [A pause.] Later in the morning. [He finishes off the bacon and toast in the next bite.]

I do not have a drawl!! That's all you, Mr. Texas. Clearly, you must be tired too if you are starting to mistake your own voice for mine.

[It's the Canadian/Washingtonian thing you gotta watch out for with this one. And that's usually only when he starts ranting. John turns and walks back into the bedroom, making for the bed.]

But alright. This is me getting in bed like a good boy because you are no fun and also I promised Rose that I would. [With a FWUMP! he allows himself to fall backwards onto it, throwing his arms out at his side and taking up a good half of the bed. He'd probably be taking up the whole bed were it not for the fact that he left his legs over the edge.]

There. Are you happy now?

Edited 2013-07-26 23:05 (UTC)

[Dave circles around and sits on the edge of the bed on the far side. He'd followed him in and kicks his feet with an unreadable expression on his face. John's used to having people around when he sleeps. Dave really isn't but, he could make some exceptions.] Hey, we're just worried is all. If you want I'll hang out until you fall asleep.

[Not like he sleeps much, but hey. He can do this for his best friend.]

[John flips around in bed so that he's laying down like a normal human being does when they get into bed. Head resting on the pillow and everything, look at that! He takes his glasses off and reaches over to put them on the bedside table. Aw yeah. Can't see shit now.]

Well I guess... I can't really blame you guys for that. [He rolls over on his side to face Dave and smiles.] But you don't have to worry anymore, everything is fine now. Or well... I guess not everything, technically. But everything that isn't just yet will be.

[Dave blinks at that, his voice subtly softer as something inside him eases. Seeing John all high strung and getting insane had bothered him. Probably more than he realized.] That good, huh?

[After a moment he sighs and lays down himself, folding up his shades and putting them away.]

Cool.

Mmm... Hehe, believe it or not but I actually was worried for nothing. Or well... [His face falls a bit.] Over some things, at least.

[He still has no idea why she had started drinking in the first place, though her promise that she fully intended to stop had definitely put him at ease somewhat.]

You worry for nothing, holy shit what a revelation! Like she would leave now that she's got herself rooted into you and hasn't left for two whole goddamn years. The shitty meteor aside that's COMMITMENT, the real deal.

[He waves a hand in the air and lets it fall back against his chest with a soft thump. His jaw tenses as he suppresses a yawn. He's full of shitty dinner pancakes, buttered toast, and greasy bacon. The concept of staying awake is laughable at best.]

It isn't like some dump of memories is going to change all of that no matter what things went down in the process. Short of murdering the shit out of you, which would be a really big damper on things. How could two people even deal with that, all but nearly banging in one place and knife up through the ribs in the next. Awkward city without a bus ticket back to we were fine. Anyway, just keep talking and working through things.

That's how it's supposed to be, right? [The last part comes out a little funny, because he yawns partway through it.]

...Okay, I think you lost me about halfway through that metaphor but for the record, we are not even close to banging. Just putting that out there.

[John stifles a yawn himself. Damn those are contagious!]

But yeah, I guess I almost feel silly for worrying about that. I just thought that... maybe she found someone better. And it scared me more than I thought it would. But in the end, turns out our relationship status was the least of my worries and now I feel dumb. News at 11: John Egbert is an idiot.

But yeah. I guess that's all any of us can really do right now. Just keep talking to her. Help her through... whatever it is that's eating her.

[Is that... are those... hallelujah, his eyelids are starting to droop. Snooze train incoming.]

[He reaches out to swat John in the shoulder then settles back in with a sigh.] Don't feel guilty for worrying. It's a natural part of a relationship, or at least I think it is.

If everything was always perfect it would be like that one movie where everything was so utterly perfect in a borderline creepy way. No. It was just creepy.

I kept expecting the chainsaws or puppets, or someth-[He yawns and pretends like he never did.]-ing.

[He remembers to kick his shoes and socks off, doing so with one foot pushing against the other. Lazy asshole.]

prank #44 | text

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[Action] GMAIL PLEASE DON'T HIDE NOTIFS FROM ME THAT'S RUDE.

[Action] Ruddde. i just cleared out my notifs of old shit

[Action] it's mega rude. 8(

[Action] So rude.

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