ghostytrainer | voice mail

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voice mail

Oh hey, what's up?

[There's a pause, perhaps you should tell him why you called. At least until he interrupts...]

Hey, that's cool, but guess what?!

[Another short pause, perhaps you should guess what is so important that John felt the need to interrupt your surely riveting story.]

I am not actually here right now! So leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can!

[You cannot hope to beat John Egbert in a prank-off. He is simply the best there is.]

Hehehehe...you totally fell for it, didn't you?

[Beep!]

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

only some minor ones?
trying to butter me up? :P
you know though that, as her boyfriend, i have absolutely the least amount of control over her, right?
but since it's you, i can at least try to reign her in.
what did she do?

JUST TAKE THE BACKHANDED COMPLEMENT, JOHN, AND DIDDLE YOURSELF WITH IT LATER.
THE FACT THAT SHE IS MAKING MISCHIEF IS A CLEAR INDICATOR THAT YOU ARE NOT ENTERTAINING HER ENOUGH.
FIX THIS.
MY EARS ARE MUTILATED THANKS TO HER SHENANIGANS.

ew.
ahaha you mean the earrings?
i still can't believe you actually did it.
as far as "entertaining" her goes though i really don't know what else i can do beyond what i already do.
which is basically do whatever she wants.
except get my ears pierced because hell no.

(btw, she sent me pictures of you passed out in the chair.)

LIKE YOU HAVE ANY ROOM TO TALK.
YOU JUST ADMITTED THAT SHE CARRIES YOUR BALLS IN HER PURSE.
THE ONLY TIME YOU GET TO USE THEM IS WHEN SHE GIVES YOU PERMISSION TO.
DON'T YOU FUCKING GIVE ME GRIEF.
YOU OUT OF ALL PEOPLE KNOW WHAT SHE IS CAPABLE OF ANYWAY.
ALSO I DEMAND YOU DELETE ANY PHOTOS BECAUSE FUCK YOU ALL WITH A RUSTY SPOON.
I WAS PLAYING DEAD, GENIUS.

remind me again, which one of us has girly ears now?
i could at least say "no" to "do you want to get your ears pierced?" despite the fact that she has a firm grip on my nuts.

[And about 20 seconds later, there's a second text as John realizes his terrible wording.]

i meant that figuratively!

[And shortly after that.]

but they are in her purse, you are right.
figuratively.

[How he's managed not to make a typo while this flustered is a miracle.]

even i can admit this. i mean i basically said that from the start.
about me having no control as the boyfriend.

[Eventually you'll stop being bombarded with rapid-fire texts, Karkat.]

she's not actually touching my balls.

[Eventually...]

firm grip or otherwise.

also: wtf you liar.
you were so not playing dead.

[Looks like this is the last one, finally. Yes, let's turn the conversation back to Karkat after John managed to stick his leg halfway down his own throat there.]

ARE YOU DONE FLIPPING YOUR SHIT YET?
WE ALL KNOW SHE IS THE DOMINANT ONE IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
FUCK, YOU PROBABLY NEED PERMISSION FROM HER TO TOUCH YOUR OWN GROSS HUMAN JUNK.
...COME TO THINK OF IT.
WHATEVER YOU GET OFF ON, JOHN, I SORELY DO NOT NEED TO KNOW.

COINCIDENTALLY, JOHN.
I KNOW WHERE YOU LAY YOUR FILTHY, DANDRUFF RIDDEN HEAD AT NIGHT.
LET'S SEE HOW COOL YOU PLAY IT WHEN THERE IS A GUN POINTED PRECARIOUSLY AT YOUR HEAD.

ok, couple of things.
1: i am actually capable of doing that without her permission, tyvm. in fact, i make it a point to make sure that she has no idea that i'm doing it when i am doing it.
2: i had no intention of going anywhere NEAR the topic of my sexual fantasies with you. or anyone. so don't worry.
3: my hair is not dandruff-y! just because it sticks up a little doesn't mean i don't wash it!
4: you can't get a gun here and we can't die anyway, even if you would actually be able to go through with that which i don't think you could because we are friends and i know i wouldn't be able to do it to you.
especially not over something silly like this.

OH AWESOME.
WE'RE DOING NUMBERED POINTS. LET ME JOIN IN ON THIS FUN FILLED ADVENTURE LADEN WITH NUMBERS. 1. SEE, SHE LIKELY ALREADY KNOWS BECAUSE SHE'S ROSE FUCKING LALONDE. DOES *SEER* MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?
2. YOU SAY THAT NOW, BUT WITH HOW YOU CONSTANTLY USE YOUR SEEDFLAP TO TALK ABOUT NIC CAGE AND ENGAGE IN YOUR FANTASIES REVOLVING AROUND THAT? HAHAHAHA!!! AH YEAH, SURE JOHN. *SURE*
3. AGAIN, SURE IT'S CLEAN. DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU AREN'T JUST GENERALLY OOZING HUMAN NASTY FROM EVERY PORE.
4. DUDE, I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE GUN THEY USE TO PUNCTURE YOUR EARS.

1. but she doesn't have her powers here and i am very careful!
2. nope. two very different things, never going to talk about it with you.
3. w/e
4. hell no. come on, at least you got yours done by a professional who knew what they were doing!

1. JOHN, YOU ARE ABOUT AS SUBTLE AND SNEAKY AS A BABY HOOFBEAST IS STABLE ON HIS LEGS. YOU ALSO ARE NOT VERY, UH...
QUIET.
2. I'VE SEEN IT ALL JOHN. YOU CANNOT HIDE YOUR SHAME.
3. FUCK YOUR W/E.
4. FUCK YOU IN GENERAL. ALLOW ME TO RAISE TWO MIDDLE PRONGS IN YOUR DIRECTION.
NO POTENTIAL WEAPON SHOULD BE SO CLOSE TO VITAL REGIONS.

1. i can be all three of those things when i want to be. i wouldn't have been able to pull off half the pranks i have if that weren't the case. case and point: rose's hair.
i rest my case.
2. watch me.
3. no u.
4. it could have been worse. she could have said "hey, do you want to get your dick pierced?"

1. I'VE SEEN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE JOHN. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ABLE TO PULL ONE OR TWO PRANKS DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A THIEF CLASS OR A NINJA.
2. AT LEAST YOU ADMIT THAT IT'S SHAMEFUL. I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
3. NO ME WHAT? THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.
4. ...OH GOD. THAT'S NOT A REAL THING THAT HAPPENS IS IT?

1. this is true and i never claimed to be a theif or a ninja. my only point was that i CAN be quiet, subtle, and sneaky when i want to! meaning i am capable of jerking off without being found out.
2. there is no more number 2, we're done here.
3. your face doesn't make any sense.
4. yes. that is actually a thing that some people really, truly, and willingly do. and before you ask: no i have no idea what the hell is wrong with them.

1. YOU DO KNOW THAT, ONCE AGAIN, I HAVE SEEN YOU DO THIS. RIGHT, JOHN?
2. NUMBER TWO WILL NEVER GO AWAY. NOPE. IT WILL ALWAYS BE HERE, FLOATING IN THE BACK OF MY MIND.
3. YOU NEVER MAKE ANY SENSE SO I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED.
4. ...I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK.

1a. trollian doesn't count.
1b. we're not talking about this. ever.
3. i make more sense than your face.
4. there are some things that i will actually agree with you on when you say humans are weird. this is one of those things.
because it's basically terrible and i will never understand why anybody thought that it was a good idea.

1A. TROLLIAN TOTALLY COUNTS. I'M LIKE CEILING CAT WITHOUT THE CEILING.
1B. IT APPEARS AS THOUGH WE *ARE* TALKING ABOUT IT.
2. THIS IS STILL HERE, DIPSHIT. IT'S NOT GOING AWAY.
3. I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT HAVING ANYTHING "MINOR" WRONG WITH YOUR NEURONS.
4. I'M ERASING THAT BIT FROM MY MEMORY BANKS AND HOPING THAT IT NEVER RETURNS.

Edited 2013-05-22 00:33 (UTC)

1a. no.
1b. no.
2. no.
3. why thank you for saying there is nothing wrong with my brain. it means a lot, coming from you.
4. you are going to think about it every time you look at your ears.

1A. YES.
1B. FUCK YES.
2. HA HA HA!! I GOT YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE TWO.
3. I WAS GOING TO SAY "MAJOR" IN IT'S PLACE, BULGESUCKER.
4. NO, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO REMOVE MINE TONIGHT.

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