ghostytrainer | prank #44

Current Location: saffron inn

Entry tags:

prank #44 | text

[Hello Pokémon World. It's almost 3 in the morning and who all is still awake at this hour? Aside from John, who hasn't slept (save for occasionally nodding off for a few hours here and there) in nearly five days now. But unlike the past three nights, apparently tonight he's feeling kind of chatty.]

[Too bad he doesn't really have anything worthwhile to say...]

ok so i know there's a shit ton of stuff here that doesn't make a lot of sense.
you know like... how everything lays eggs, even the mammals?
and ghosts? ill nrver get that one at all, even if i pride myself as somethign of an ectobreeder.
and don't even get me started on fly just...
that's dumb.
SO DUMB.
but w/e, do you ever just like...sit there adn really think about some of this stuff?

like zubat.

what is even the deal with those fuckers?
they don't have any eyes. but for SOMW REASON they learn mean look.
how can they give ANYTHING a LOOK, MEAN OR OTHERWISE????
it's like how wooper can learn ice punch.
WIHT WHAT ARMS, I ASK YOU??? i am like 1000% sure you need arsm in order to punch someting.

maybe even over 9000% sure of that.
it is not possible to be more postibve of anything than i am right now about needing arms for punching.

no ok i lied we're gointo talk about the flying thing.
like how does that even work you get the hm and you use it on your bird or dragon or whatever is it just like
OH SHIT SON.
IT'S THAT THING I ALREADY KNWE HOW TO DO.
THE THING I DO BASICALLY EVERY DAY BECAUSE I'M A BIRD AND THAT'S HOW I GET AROUND.
BUT NOW I CAN *CARRY YOU*. YOU AND *ALL OF YOUR CRAP*.
what an astounding revelation your pokemon must be having.
okay, all you lucky ducks out there who can read your pokemon's minds or whatever i gotta know.
what's going through your bird/dragon/giant automaton ghost's mind when you crack the fly hm over their heads.
someone get back tome on that.

goddamn i wish i was a poketelepath.
like that would just be the coolest fucking thing. be able to talk to them in your mind and stuff.
crzy mind conversations all day, everyday. with ALL of your pokermon, not just the psychic types.
so.
cool.
only vaguely related, but i miss being able to fly on my own.
i liked it better when i didn't knoe i had powers so i had no idea what i was missing out on. :(
now it's just like "man, john, remember when you had super strength and could do the windy thing and it was basically awesoem? NOT ANYMORE, BUDDY, SORRY."
oh well, i guess.
that's the way the cookie crumbles!

speaking of cookirs, i wonder if it's possible to make literal pancakes.
like using cake batter insread of pancake batter.
but making it ina frying pan on the stove instead of in the oven.
holy shit.
i think i know what i'm goign to do once i'm done watching ghost eraser 3.
dave. dave if you're reading this you should totally come over to my room and help.
we'll do it for scinese.
wait no.

fuck science.
i forgot that science blows and is basically completyl inferior to magic in every way.
let's make kitchen magic, dude. it'll be great.
jade, you can come too even thouhg you think sciende is cool. i won't hold it against you.
even if you're still totally WRONG about that particular issue.

oh but rewind for a sec, let's talk about ghost eraser.
these are actually pretty okay as far as johto moives go. not as good as ghostbusters, sure, but not terirble either.
it's much less of a dissapontment than con dragonair, which is not even close to ebing the same thing as con air which is BASICALLY THE BEST MOVIE EVER, just saying.
i mean they fight a haunted janitor in the first one, pretty damn sweet. in ghost eraser, i mean. not con dragonair, we're not talking about that disappointment anymore.
nope nope.
but it's pretty much impoddible to be a better ghost hunter mobie than ghostbusters.
i m p o s s i b l e

holy shit when did it get to be 3am?
doing the time warp over here or something because i swaer it wasn't that late last i looked at the clock.
ahahahahahahahahahaha.
fuck.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...are you sure he wasn't actually doing that? I dunno man, that just sounds like something your brother would do.

[Dave stops in mid-reach for the apple juice pitcher. From the way he stiffens, it's clear he's thinking about it. Then he gestures to the fridge and looks to John.] He wouldn't fit. In case you haven't noticed the guy is built like a bear.

I dunno... I think if he really wanted to, he would find a way. Just to fuck with you.

[He can see this all too well in his sleep-addled mind.]

He's too big. [Who is he trying to convince? Himself? Hard to say. He snags the pitcher and the carton of eggs.] We cooking or what?

[The response is automatic, John's barely even thinking about the context as the words fly from his mouth:]

That's what she said.

[Oh to be a sixteen year old boy.]

Baking, Dave, there's a difference. Don't ever let Jane hear you say that, she will probably bite your head off for making a mistake like that. Fortunately, I am more forgiving. But yes. Let's see what we can make happen!

Yeah she's smacked me with a spoon for it before. [This is what he says to pointedly IGNORE the 'that's what she said' joke about his dad/bro/person who is partially responsible for his existence. Ew. Ew. Ew.]

So. I got the eggs. [He sets them on the counter and pours himself a mug of aj, the said pitcher going into the fridge.]

Haha, no shit, really? Good job, dude.

[Good idea, Dave. Gooooood idea.]

Right okay so... grab the milk while you're in there too. Because we need that.

[John, meanwhile, is going to go for the cupboards (which he can finally reach without having to climb on the counter or make use of one of his floating Pokémon) and pull out a box of yellow cake mix.]

Sorry Rose, I don't feel like baking from scratch tonight so as much as I prefer that to this crap, and as much as it is also technically yours, we are going to use it in the name of kitchen magic! Sorry if that is a problem, but maybe you shouldn't have left it here!! Or left at all!! Hahaha!

[John sets the box down on the counter harder than is strictly necessary, laughing somewhat bitterly, before busying himself with finding the necessary cups and bowls to start mixing this.]

[Naturally it's when he's just left the fridges chilled confines that John calls for the rest of the shit necessary. Dave busies himself with retrieving the milk as his best friend proves he seriously needs some sleep. Way to sound like you're six sheets in the wind and plotting the end of the world there, dude.

The laughter makes him wonder if he needs to just do a good deed and knock him unconscious. He lets the thought pass as he pads back over to set the milk down and retrieve the measuring cup and the skillet.] Okay, dial back the crazy. I know you're secretly plotting to take over but don't make it so obvious to the masses. Milk retrieved. What now.

Rude, Dave. I am not even remotely close to crazy. Crazy would be... I dunno, talking to the milk carton like it's another person or something. I am perfectly sane, do need to worry. I am not going to like... suddenly maul you or something.

But okay, let's see... Jane did at least teach you how to do boxed mixed, surely. If not, I assume you can read instructions.

[He opens the box and dumps the powder into the mixing bowl before handing the now empty box to Dave and scooting the bowl between them.]

Yeah I can read instructions. Any poor sucker can. [He sets the box down and watches John from behind his shades. Dave isn't one to broadcast it, but he's getting really worried. They don't have to deal with much in Pokemon land, but recent events with their return from home hit John hard. At first it seemed like it didn't. But the more he watches him, the more his finger is tapping on the counter.

Should he let this continue?]

Seriously. How often and how long have you been sleeping. No dodging, I want numbers.

Uhhh... [John shrugs.] Enough?

[John, that's doging. That's what you were NOT supposed to do, remember?]

What did I just say about dodging? [Dave's frown grows deeper as his finger keeps tapping. Wrong answer.]

That wasn't dodging! Dodging is more like... PCHOOO!!!!! [He throws his arms up in the air and makes a fish-face as moves his torso from side to side. Who really even knows what he's supposed to be dodging. Perhaps invisible laser beams?]

No that's rockets and gas, not giving up numbers like, 'yeah dave I've slept fourty eight hours in the few days, stayed up for twenty four'. [Dave wastes no time in going for a poke to John's stomach while he's in ridiculous mode.]

Well I don't have exact numbers for you, Dave! I have been sleeping here and there though. The last full night's sleep I got was... [He puts a hand to his chin, staring up at the ceiling as he tries to remember.]

...what day did Rose leave, again?

[This is not a good sign.]

[It gets so silent you could hear a pin drop. Dave goes utterly still a trick he learned from Bro but never uses or mastered. For a second it looks like he has finally grasped it, then he's moving towards John with a sense of purpose. His expression is hard to read and his body language is nonaggression.]

Err... Dave?

[You're kind of freaking him out a little. Jsyk. Instinctively, John takes a few steps back as Dave moves closer.]

[A few steps too late, he's in range which in a fight is the last thing you want Dave to be. He ducks low as John's backing up and puts on a burst of speed so he can try to catch John around the middle and come up with all of John's weight on him. The result is he's got him slung over his shoulder and the hard set of his jaw means whatever idea he has he will not back down from it.] Bed time.

[And with John in no fit state to actually do anything to oppose this, Dave succeeds in getting him over the shoulder like a sack of potatoes with little issue.]

[Once he's there though, it's an entirely different story as the shorter teen starts flailing and kicking, attempting to get free.]

Hey! Put me down! You're not my mom! I was just asleep a little while ago, I am fine!!!

Nope. You need more sleep and you're going to get it. [Dave deals with the kicking and flailing with patience. Though he feels vaguely like he's dealing with Lil Cal. A shudder runs up his spine at the thought as he walks out of the kitchen and heads for the hall.]

I'll even hang out with you until you pass out.

Dave. Dave, I made you, Dave. [He twists his head a little and fixes the back of Dave's head with an INTENSE angry stare. Was it really necessary to say his name three times? Apparently so.]

I MADE YOU AND SO HELP ME, I CAN UNMAKE YOU!!!! Put me down!

[Dave, don't put him down. If he thinks this is a legit threat, the problem is obviously more severe than we thought.]

[He stops for a second, pausing to take in the fact that of all times, John uses now to make that threat. Normally they just don't bring the topic up. It's one of those things that they know but don't bother with discussing. Some things he just had to accept and move on because the concept of understanding it would break his brain.

He makes a rude sounding snort and keeps walking.]

You might have pushed the button but that doesn't make you my dad. You're like that factory worker on the assembly line. Everyone will give you a weird side-long stare if you say it but you've gone and whispered it like you're actually genetically related to me.

Oh no, no. No, I am not your daddy, Dave. This is more serious than that. I did not supply the genetic material that created you, I am responsible for it even existing in the first place! [He reaches his right hand around and attempts to stick it in Dave's face, likely with moderate success given the angle. He's probably ineffectively slapping Dave's cheek like his hand is some kind of brain-dead fish out of water.] With this hand Dave! This hand. You owe your entire existence to this hand.

[And the faithful Dr. Meowgon's butt. Actually, in Dave's case, that kitten's butt is really the one that made him. Not that anybody will ever know this fact, and that's probably a good thing.]

[You owe your existence to your best friend and a cat's backside, Dave. How does this make you feel?]

[Let's not discuss the fact a nerd and a cat's ass are responsible for his existence. There are some aspects of science that must never be revealed.

He bats away the hand lightly tapping his cheek. It's like John is a seal sometimes with the way he flops around. Dave snorts and sways on purpose to throw off his best friend's attempts to wriggle or flail free of his tight hold.]

Are you listening to yourself or, just letting your mouth flap?? Next you're going to say you birthed me or something like that.

I may as well have!!!

[He's not laughing at all. He is completely serious about this, apparently.]

You were my little blond bundle of joy, or at least one of them since technically I had four. You loved me and I, you. You clung to the side of my head and everything like some kind of adorable little baby...duck-monkey. Like you were a monkey with the cuteness of a duckling or something. Or maybe a kitten? Kittens climb, right? That's totally what you were.

Dave "Kitten" Strider. That's your new middle name, I am giving it to you because I can. Because I made you, Dave. I made yoooooouuuuu.

[Dave, for the love of god get to the bedroom and drop him on the bed. And then run. Just run and pretend this conversation didn't happen. Pretend John isn't giggling while thrown over your shoulder right now.]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]