ghostytrainer | prank #44

Current Location: saffron inn

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prank #44 | text

[Hello Pokémon World. It's almost 3 in the morning and who all is still awake at this hour? Aside from John, who hasn't slept (save for occasionally nodding off for a few hours here and there) in nearly five days now. But unlike the past three nights, apparently tonight he's feeling kind of chatty.]

[Too bad he doesn't really have anything worthwhile to say...]

ok so i know there's a shit ton of stuff here that doesn't make a lot of sense.
you know like... how everything lays eggs, even the mammals?
and ghosts? ill nrver get that one at all, even if i pride myself as somethign of an ectobreeder.
and don't even get me started on fly just...
that's dumb.
SO DUMB.
but w/e, do you ever just like...sit there adn really think about some of this stuff?

like zubat.

what is even the deal with those fuckers?
they don't have any eyes. but for SOMW REASON they learn mean look.
how can they give ANYTHING a LOOK, MEAN OR OTHERWISE????
it's like how wooper can learn ice punch.
WIHT WHAT ARMS, I ASK YOU??? i am like 1000% sure you need arsm in order to punch someting.

maybe even over 9000% sure of that.
it is not possible to be more postibve of anything than i am right now about needing arms for punching.

no ok i lied we're gointo talk about the flying thing.
like how does that even work you get the hm and you use it on your bird or dragon or whatever is it just like
OH SHIT SON.
IT'S THAT THING I ALREADY KNWE HOW TO DO.
THE THING I DO BASICALLY EVERY DAY BECAUSE I'M A BIRD AND THAT'S HOW I GET AROUND.
BUT NOW I CAN *CARRY YOU*. YOU AND *ALL OF YOUR CRAP*.
what an astounding revelation your pokemon must be having.
okay, all you lucky ducks out there who can read your pokemon's minds or whatever i gotta know.
what's going through your bird/dragon/giant automaton ghost's mind when you crack the fly hm over their heads.
someone get back tome on that.

goddamn i wish i was a poketelepath.
like that would just be the coolest fucking thing. be able to talk to them in your mind and stuff.
crzy mind conversations all day, everyday. with ALL of your pokermon, not just the psychic types.
so.
cool.
only vaguely related, but i miss being able to fly on my own.
i liked it better when i didn't knoe i had powers so i had no idea what i was missing out on. :(
now it's just like "man, john, remember when you had super strength and could do the windy thing and it was basically awesoem? NOT ANYMORE, BUDDY, SORRY."
oh well, i guess.
that's the way the cookie crumbles!

speaking of cookirs, i wonder if it's possible to make literal pancakes.
like using cake batter insread of pancake batter.
but making it ina frying pan on the stove instead of in the oven.
holy shit.
i think i know what i'm goign to do once i'm done watching ghost eraser 3.
dave. dave if you're reading this you should totally come over to my room and help.
we'll do it for scinese.
wait no.

fuck science.
i forgot that science blows and is basically completyl inferior to magic in every way.
let's make kitchen magic, dude. it'll be great.
jade, you can come too even thouhg you think sciende is cool. i won't hold it against you.
even if you're still totally WRONG about that particular issue.

oh but rewind for a sec, let's talk about ghost eraser.
these are actually pretty okay as far as johto moives go. not as good as ghostbusters, sure, but not terirble either.
it's much less of a dissapontment than con dragonair, which is not even close to ebing the same thing as con air which is BASICALLY THE BEST MOVIE EVER, just saying.
i mean they fight a haunted janitor in the first one, pretty damn sweet. in ghost eraser, i mean. not con dragonair, we're not talking about that disappointment anymore.
nope nope.
but it's pretty much impoddible to be a better ghost hunter mobie than ghostbusters.
i m p o s s i b l e

holy shit when did it get to be 3am?
doing the time warp over here or something because i swaer it wasn't that late last i looked at the clock.
ahahahahahahahahahaha.
fuck.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah but they aren't literally part dog, cat, and bird. With instincts to chase each other. Barking and meowing and cawing and sometimes dragging poor John along for the ride when all he wanted to do was play some Ghostbusters MMO or take a nap or basically anything that wasn't let's have another epic chase scene around the U.S.S BoredAsFuck. That was actually the name of the ship, in case you were wondering. No lies.

[Lies.]

And by him, I mean me because obviously I am John, the only normal one, the lone sane man on a ship full of furries!

[He did at least turn his indoor voice back on but he's still rant rambling and it's pretty obvious that he was far from the lone sane man while on the ship.]

[Dave claps John on the shoulder as he leans in close to his ear. In low voice that's as deadpan as it can ever possibly be he says.] And this is why Noah kept two of every animal because if they're bangin' then they're not shenangin'.

Oh, please! [John pulls away and rolls his eyes with a 'tch' sound.] You say that as though they needed to be the same species for that to be a thing. Or well... okay I have no idea if they were actually banging or not and frankly, I don't want to for a number of reasons including "that's my sister" and "I don't want to think about Dave Sprite's bird junk assuming he actually has any."

[He really probably shouldn't be talking about this. But sleep deprived as he is, his typically faulty brain-mouth filter is completely gone now.]

[Jade is probably going to kill him.]

But she totally dug the ghost butt if you get what I mean. Maybe I should have looked into setting Jaspers up with somebody? Thinking on it now, he really was the instigator most of the time. That darn cat...

[There was more in that than he ever needed to know and a few nagging feeling he usually ignores confirmed. Last time Jade had been around, they'd been a little awkward at times. He doesn't even think of that. No, his mind latched onto something way more important.]

I wonder if he does have junk. I mean, maybe feather me has bird junk. He looked smooth as a wall down below. I just never thought to ask. Maybe it's just his dick is tucked away until he gets the urge. Probably doesn't have anything. Wow. That would just suck so hard. No relief in sight. Only thing to do is suffer.

Dude... dude what did I just say about not wanting to think about Dave Sprite's bird bits? That hasn't changed in the past thirty seconds and it never will. I mean if I really was genuinely curious, don't you think I would have asked him?

It would have been really I easy, just all "Hey Dave Sprite, so you are bird but also a human, what exactly are you packing downstairs?" But I didn't ask because that's weird and I don't want to know.

Wow, that would just be rude. How would you like if he randomly asked about your dick. Just hey dude, you still got your dick as a god? Are you the eternal bun creator. And way to focus on butts. I have a lot more attractive features than just my ass.

[He gasps and hangs back a little so his butt is out of view.] Is that all we Daves are to you?? Round rump flesh?

What, no!!! How is that... I don't even. No!? Jade was the one who liked his weird apparitional derriere, not me! I just said he had one, which is a fact since he's part ghost bird.

I am not interested in your butt or any other part of you in that way, for that matter! I swear we've gone through this before!

So you got an issue with ghosts having rumps. What's so wrong about them having backsides? If they don't have connecting parts, why not let them have that as a consolation prize. [He pauses and imitates a news reporter.] We had to sacrifice your fun zone, but you've still got the perfect ass.

You're the envy of any modelling company. Well, would be if humanity wasn't in a mass grave.

Oh my god. No! I don't have an issue with ghost ass! Just... never mind, I don't even know what point I was trying to make anymore. Or how we got on this topic.

[Weren't they going to bake something? Seems John already kind of forgot.]

Who cares. We have cake batter pancakes to make. For science.

[If John flips out about science again he's going to kick him. Right in the shin.]

[He doesn't flip out, but he does shove Dave in the arm. Not nearly hard enough to topple him but definitely not just a playful nudge either.]

What did I just say, Dave? What did I just say do I need to clean your ears out? SHould I get q-tips instead of a mixing bowl?

[Dave just shoves him back, the exact same way. He's got power behind his, not like John. It's more he relies on his speed to add an extra umph to it.] Wow. What are you trying to do, make pancakes for Barbie?

You want man cakes. Big enough to fit on a plate and feed you heartily for days. Not tiny dots like you're rationing out feed for mice or birds. What's wrong with you??

No doofus, for your ears!!! See, this is what I'm talking about. This right here. It's like the words I am speaking with my mouth are just going right threw your ears and your brain is only absorbing one or two of them instead of the whole sentence.

[Counter-counter shove!!!]

What's wrong with you?

That's how fast you're going to absorb those pancakes. Might as well call them tinycakes. Or fairy cakes. Wait are you trying to summon them? You and your magicy magic.

[Counter-counter-counter shove!]

No, dude the person with someone wrong with them is you. You're rambling, a lot.

[Counter-counter-counter-counter shove!]

Wow, hello there Pot, it's nice to meet you! My name is kettle and you are so much blacker than me, Ramble McStrider the fifth.

[Seriously, dude. You are not allowed to call anybody out on rambling.]

Hello there Missing-the-point, Ramble D Stride wants you to think really hard on what he meant.

Hint, it's wow you need sleep.

[Counter-counter-counter-counter-counter shove.]

Later. Maybe.

[Counter-counter-counter-counter-counter-counter shove!!!]

The way I see it, this is my body making up for three years worth of entirely too much sleep. Besides, I can sleep when I am dead!

Take it from the resident insomniac, the body needs sleep. If you deny it, you will pass out or hallucinate that Bro is sitting in the fridge with his puppets putting on a rendition of Sesame Street, when you go to grab the aj.

[No shoving now because they have reached the kitchen. After that horrible little statement he grabs a mug and opens the fridge.]

...are you sure he wasn't actually doing that? I dunno man, that just sounds like something your brother would do.

[Dave stops in mid-reach for the apple juice pitcher. From the way he stiffens, it's clear he's thinking about it. Then he gestures to the fridge and looks to John.] He wouldn't fit. In case you haven't noticed the guy is built like a bear.

I dunno... I think if he really wanted to, he would find a way. Just to fuck with you.

[He can see this all too well in his sleep-addled mind.]

He's too big. [Who is he trying to convince? Himself? Hard to say. He snags the pitcher and the carton of eggs.] We cooking or what?

[The response is automatic, John's barely even thinking about the context as the words fly from his mouth:]

That's what she said.

[Oh to be a sixteen year old boy.]

Baking, Dave, there's a difference. Don't ever let Jane hear you say that, she will probably bite your head off for making a mistake like that. Fortunately, I am more forgiving. But yes. Let's see what we can make happen!

Yeah she's smacked me with a spoon for it before. [This is what he says to pointedly IGNORE the 'that's what she said' joke about his dad/bro/person who is partially responsible for his existence. Ew. Ew. Ew.]

So. I got the eggs. [He sets them on the counter and pours himself a mug of aj, the said pitcher going into the fridge.]

Haha, no shit, really? Good job, dude.

[Good idea, Dave. Gooooood idea.]

Right okay so... grab the milk while you're in there too. Because we need that.

[John, meanwhile, is going to go for the cupboards (which he can finally reach without having to climb on the counter or make use of one of his floating Pokémon) and pull out a box of yellow cake mix.]

Sorry Rose, I don't feel like baking from scratch tonight so as much as I prefer that to this crap, and as much as it is also technically yours, we are going to use it in the name of kitchen magic! Sorry if that is a problem, but maybe you shouldn't have left it here!! Or left at all!! Hahaha!

[John sets the box down on the counter harder than is strictly necessary, laughing somewhat bitterly, before busying himself with finding the necessary cups and bowls to start mixing this.]

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