ghostytrainer | prank #44

Current Location: saffron inn

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prank #44 | text

[Hello Pokémon World. It's almost 3 in the morning and who all is still awake at this hour? Aside from John, who hasn't slept (save for occasionally nodding off for a few hours here and there) in nearly five days now. But unlike the past three nights, apparently tonight he's feeling kind of chatty.]

[Too bad he doesn't really have anything worthwhile to say...]

ok so i know there's a shit ton of stuff here that doesn't make a lot of sense.
you know like... how everything lays eggs, even the mammals?
and ghosts? ill nrver get that one at all, even if i pride myself as somethign of an ectobreeder.
and don't even get me started on fly just...
that's dumb.
SO DUMB.
but w/e, do you ever just like...sit there adn really think about some of this stuff?

like zubat.

what is even the deal with those fuckers?
they don't have any eyes. but for SOMW REASON they learn mean look.
how can they give ANYTHING a LOOK, MEAN OR OTHERWISE????
it's like how wooper can learn ice punch.
WIHT WHAT ARMS, I ASK YOU??? i am like 1000% sure you need arsm in order to punch someting.

maybe even over 9000% sure of that.
it is not possible to be more postibve of anything than i am right now about needing arms for punching.

no ok i lied we're gointo talk about the flying thing.
like how does that even work you get the hm and you use it on your bird or dragon or whatever is it just like
OH SHIT SON.
IT'S THAT THING I ALREADY KNWE HOW TO DO.
THE THING I DO BASICALLY EVERY DAY BECAUSE I'M A BIRD AND THAT'S HOW I GET AROUND.
BUT NOW I CAN *CARRY YOU*. YOU AND *ALL OF YOUR CRAP*.
what an astounding revelation your pokemon must be having.
okay, all you lucky ducks out there who can read your pokemon's minds or whatever i gotta know.
what's going through your bird/dragon/giant automaton ghost's mind when you crack the fly hm over their heads.
someone get back tome on that.

goddamn i wish i was a poketelepath.
like that would just be the coolest fucking thing. be able to talk to them in your mind and stuff.
crzy mind conversations all day, everyday. with ALL of your pokermon, not just the psychic types.
so.
cool.
only vaguely related, but i miss being able to fly on my own.
i liked it better when i didn't knoe i had powers so i had no idea what i was missing out on. :(
now it's just like "man, john, remember when you had super strength and could do the windy thing and it was basically awesoem? NOT ANYMORE, BUDDY, SORRY."
oh well, i guess.
that's the way the cookie crumbles!

speaking of cookirs, i wonder if it's possible to make literal pancakes.
like using cake batter insread of pancake batter.
but making it ina frying pan on the stove instead of in the oven.
holy shit.
i think i know what i'm goign to do once i'm done watching ghost eraser 3.
dave. dave if you're reading this you should totally come over to my room and help.
we'll do it for scinese.
wait no.

fuck science.
i forgot that science blows and is basically completyl inferior to magic in every way.
let's make kitchen magic, dude. it'll be great.
jade, you can come too even thouhg you think sciende is cool. i won't hold it against you.
even if you're still totally WRONG about that particular issue.

oh but rewind for a sec, let's talk about ghost eraser.
these are actually pretty okay as far as johto moives go. not as good as ghostbusters, sure, but not terirble either.
it's much less of a dissapontment than con dragonair, which is not even close to ebing the same thing as con air which is BASICALLY THE BEST MOVIE EVER, just saying.
i mean they fight a haunted janitor in the first one, pretty damn sweet. in ghost eraser, i mean. not con dragonair, we're not talking about that disappointment anymore.
nope nope.
but it's pretty much impoddible to be a better ghost hunter mobie than ghostbusters.
i m p o s s i b l e

holy shit when did it get to be 3am?
doing the time warp over here or something because i swaer it wasn't that late last i looked at the clock.
ahahahahahahahahahaha.
fuck.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I have my gear but you're going to bed after we bake. I'm serious. [He's getting up to track him down. He's a man on a mission. His best bro is not ok.]

Should I call you mama Strider? I spent plenty of time sleeping on the ship! You have no idea, sometimes I didn't wake up for daaaaays. [He giggles a little, like somehow this is funny. Really it's not. It's honestly just kind of sad.]

And I just woke up a little while ago, anyway. [More like four hours ago, from a thirty minute nap.] I'm totally good to go!

Are you? [He's standing right behind John now, peering at him from over the top of his shades. His expression is flat but there's concern there, enough to be visible.]

Gah!

[Perhaps unfortunately, John wasn't standing. No, he was still sitting on his bed in the same position that he was when he made the post in the first place. Or at least he was until Dave speaks, at which point his location quickly changes from "bed" to "floor". He hadn't realized that Dave was on his way yet, and he was definitely expecting a knock on the door. It shouldn't surprise him that this isn't how it went, and yet it sort of does.]

[He spends a good minute or so struggling against the blankets to try and extricate himself. What was he thinking, wrapping himself up like that? Ghost Erasers 3 is still playing on the TV, even though John hasn't been paying much attention to it for a while now.]

[When he finally manages to free himself, John gets to his feet and brushes himself off. He's not wearing any pants. Just a pair of blue-cloud print boxers featuring a Drifloon and the usual black t-shirt with the glow in the dark Haunter. Because he couldn't resist buying that same damn shirt in a size that actually fit him once they woke back up.]

[He seems paler than usual, and not just because of the eerie TV-glow on him. There are dark circles under his eyes, definitely disproving his earlier claims about getting plenty of sleep and being "totally good to go." Really he's more of a mess than "ready to go" though luckily he has AT LEAST been bathing despite his apparent inability to take better care of himself. Thank god for his minor neat freak tendencies.]

Christ, dude! Would it have killed you to knock? What if I wasn't decent you asswipe?

Then I'd have given you a sec. [He's not that big of an asshole. Dave circles around the bed - he'd climbed in through the window - peer at John now that he can see him up close. He'd let things lie because he was doing all that hot himself and being apart had been a habit. He pushes up his shades to get a better look and whatever he finds, makes him sigh and offer a hand to John.

Dave's in a loose shirt that falls just past his hips, and a pair of red pajama pants. He looks a bit on the typical side, as if he's trying to get as far from anything game related as possible.]

Ok. There's a bullshit card I'm going to throw down because sleep? You're not dancing tango with it, are you.

Edited 2013-06-27 04:53 (UTC)

[Goshdarn window ninja!!!]

Really, it is more like a waltz because I never actually learned how to do the tango. It was so complicated!!! But sleep and I are so tight, dude. So tight we're cutting all the rugs. So save your bullshit card for another day.

[Everything is a-okay.]

Now come on, let's go do this shit! [He tugs at Dave's hand, trying to lead him out of the bedroom so that literal panCAKES can be a thing. This is going to be so awesome.]

[Dave takes one glance around the bedroom. The pokemon are absent and the bed looks like a mess. He sighs and moves to follow John's tugging. Maybe he can convince him to doze in his room for a little bit.]

Let's go make cake batter pancakes. For science or magic, or whatever.

[You can try, Dave. And best of luck to you in that endeavor.]

Definitely for magic, dude. Science blows chunks and won't even let you go faster than the speed of light. Or basically have any fun because it's all about stupid rules that I am fairly certain are in place just to make a person miserable.

Like, wow gosh you miss your best buddies and want to see them? Too bad! You have to wait forever on a stupid fucking space boat wooshing through past a perma-green background with a bunch of dumb lizards and chess people and a stupid, feathery asshole, and a cat princess, and well I can't really complain about Jade or Nanna except I will say this: do you have ANY idea what it's like being in a confined space with a bird, a cat, and a dog??

[He's doing that thing where he doesn't really stop to breathe mid-rant and forgetting what an indoor voice is. Again.]

[Jesus dicks, it's like John is trying to see how many words he can cram into a single breath. Dave mulls over the words as they pass from the bedroom into the hall. Now he could counter the words with retorts but, why? It would be dumb. He just snorts.]

Probably. Karkat is the barking dog, Terezi is the wandering feline on high, and the juggalo clown was the bird high overhead and no one really saw him. Except like once.

I saw more of him here than I ever did on the meteor. Oh wait, and Kanaya...she'd be a lizard. Hanging out. Eating bugs. Waiting for fresh people to sink fangs into and drain some delicious blood out of. Hey Dave you taste interesting, let me stick like straw in you and have a sip.

Also dude, lower your voice. It's just you and me. No need to go barking yourself.

Yeah but they aren't literally part dog, cat, and bird. With instincts to chase each other. Barking and meowing and cawing and sometimes dragging poor John along for the ride when all he wanted to do was play some Ghostbusters MMO or take a nap or basically anything that wasn't let's have another epic chase scene around the U.S.S BoredAsFuck. That was actually the name of the ship, in case you were wondering. No lies.

[Lies.]

And by him, I mean me because obviously I am John, the only normal one, the lone sane man on a ship full of furries!

[He did at least turn his indoor voice back on but he's still rant rambling and it's pretty obvious that he was far from the lone sane man while on the ship.]

[Dave claps John on the shoulder as he leans in close to his ear. In low voice that's as deadpan as it can ever possibly be he says.] And this is why Noah kept two of every animal because if they're bangin' then they're not shenangin'.

Oh, please! [John pulls away and rolls his eyes with a 'tch' sound.] You say that as though they needed to be the same species for that to be a thing. Or well... okay I have no idea if they were actually banging or not and frankly, I don't want to for a number of reasons including "that's my sister" and "I don't want to think about Dave Sprite's bird junk assuming he actually has any."

[He really probably shouldn't be talking about this. But sleep deprived as he is, his typically faulty brain-mouth filter is completely gone now.]

[Jade is probably going to kill him.]

But she totally dug the ghost butt if you get what I mean. Maybe I should have looked into setting Jaspers up with somebody? Thinking on it now, he really was the instigator most of the time. That darn cat...

[There was more in that than he ever needed to know and a few nagging feeling he usually ignores confirmed. Last time Jade had been around, they'd been a little awkward at times. He doesn't even think of that. No, his mind latched onto something way more important.]

I wonder if he does have junk. I mean, maybe feather me has bird junk. He looked smooth as a wall down below. I just never thought to ask. Maybe it's just his dick is tucked away until he gets the urge. Probably doesn't have anything. Wow. That would just suck so hard. No relief in sight. Only thing to do is suffer.

Dude... dude what did I just say about not wanting to think about Dave Sprite's bird bits? That hasn't changed in the past thirty seconds and it never will. I mean if I really was genuinely curious, don't you think I would have asked him?

It would have been really I easy, just all "Hey Dave Sprite, so you are bird but also a human, what exactly are you packing downstairs?" But I didn't ask because that's weird and I don't want to know.

Wow, that would just be rude. How would you like if he randomly asked about your dick. Just hey dude, you still got your dick as a god? Are you the eternal bun creator. And way to focus on butts. I have a lot more attractive features than just my ass.

[He gasps and hangs back a little so his butt is out of view.] Is that all we Daves are to you?? Round rump flesh?

What, no!!! How is that... I don't even. No!? Jade was the one who liked his weird apparitional derriere, not me! I just said he had one, which is a fact since he's part ghost bird.

I am not interested in your butt or any other part of you in that way, for that matter! I swear we've gone through this before!

So you got an issue with ghosts having rumps. What's so wrong about them having backsides? If they don't have connecting parts, why not let them have that as a consolation prize. [He pauses and imitates a news reporter.] We had to sacrifice your fun zone, but you've still got the perfect ass.

You're the envy of any modelling company. Well, would be if humanity wasn't in a mass grave.

Oh my god. No! I don't have an issue with ghost ass! Just... never mind, I don't even know what point I was trying to make anymore. Or how we got on this topic.

[Weren't they going to bake something? Seems John already kind of forgot.]

Who cares. We have cake batter pancakes to make. For science.

[If John flips out about science again he's going to kick him. Right in the shin.]

[He doesn't flip out, but he does shove Dave in the arm. Not nearly hard enough to topple him but definitely not just a playful nudge either.]

What did I just say, Dave? What did I just say do I need to clean your ears out? SHould I get q-tips instead of a mixing bowl?

[Dave just shoves him back, the exact same way. He's got power behind his, not like John. It's more he relies on his speed to add an extra umph to it.] Wow. What are you trying to do, make pancakes for Barbie?

You want man cakes. Big enough to fit on a plate and feed you heartily for days. Not tiny dots like you're rationing out feed for mice or birds. What's wrong with you??

No doofus, for your ears!!! See, this is what I'm talking about. This right here. It's like the words I am speaking with my mouth are just going right threw your ears and your brain is only absorbing one or two of them instead of the whole sentence.

[Counter-counter shove!!!]

What's wrong with you?

That's how fast you're going to absorb those pancakes. Might as well call them tinycakes. Or fairy cakes. Wait are you trying to summon them? You and your magicy magic.

[Counter-counter-counter shove!]

No, dude the person with someone wrong with them is you. You're rambling, a lot.

[Counter-counter-counter-counter shove!]

Wow, hello there Pot, it's nice to meet you! My name is kettle and you are so much blacker than me, Ramble McStrider the fifth.

[Seriously, dude. You are not allowed to call anybody out on rambling.]

Hello there Missing-the-point, Ramble D Stride wants you to think really hard on what he meant.

Hint, it's wow you need sleep.

[Counter-counter-counter-counter-counter shove.]

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