voice mail

[ghostytrainer]

Oh hey, what's up?

[There's a pause, perhaps you should tell him why you called. At least until he interrupts...]

Hey, that's cool, but guess what?!

[Another short pause, perhaps you should guess what is so important that John felt the need to interrupt your surely riveting story.]

I am not actually here right now! So leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can!

[You cannot hope to beat John Egbert in a prank-off. He is simply the best there is.]

Hehehehe...you totally fell for it, didn't you?

[Beep!]

((Please make note of the date and format of your message in the subject when tagging. ♥))

Comments

text; 10/01, 4:32pm

[strideways]

so uh
any ideas on how to stave off a pack of wild rats

4:33pm

[strideways]

preferably ones that dont involve pokemon

[Text] 02/04 8pm

[moveslikestrider]

dude
you have no idea how close you cut that
but i know you dont know bro
im offering to help you learn how to deal with him
from the one person who knows him best
besides dirk
i wouldnt ask him because they dont get along and are playing some fucked up game of mindfuckery chicken

[Text] 02/04 8pm

[ghostytrainer]

how was i supposed to know he was joking?!
and even if i did, where does he get off saying something like that?!
i am pretty sure i know rose better than he does, so he doesn't get to play shotgun dad in this case.
if it were you, different story! but it's rose.

[Whoops he never actually got the chance to bitch about this to anybody so it's just been kind of festering ever since John and Bro's conversation ended. Sorry, Dave. Look what you get to deal with now. Of all the times for Vriska NOT to be here...]

but whatever i already feel kind of bad for some of the stuff i said. i feel even worse about some of the stuff i DIDN'T say.
just...who the hell wants to be greeted with THAT the minute they wake up?
especially considering everything else just
ugh. bluh.

[Text] 2/11, Dawn

[hoperaider]

John!
John john john!
I just remembered!
In my letter addressed to you that youve yet to get from your point of view i said we should have a bout of fisticuffs!
You know scrums and whatnot.
So now that were here i thought perhaps we could do that before or after valentines day?
I mean i figure we shouldnt rough each other up too much or rose would get worried.
What say you chap?

[Text] 2/11, 10:06

[ghostytrainer]

[John's actually been awake for a good half hour but he's only just now getting around to looking at his gear. Oops........]

what you mean you want to wrestle?
uhh...idk jake, i'm not much of a wrestler to be honest.
dave would probably be a better person to ask.

[Text] Some time on 2/14

[matini]

johnnnnyyyyyy
johnny
youre
adooooorrrableke
has anyone ever told u that???
xucfdkslja
fucking keyboard
*cuz u so r

[Text] 9:26am yes. this sounds like a good time

[ghostytrainer]

well um.
rose has said something similar on occasion.
so uh...yes i guess.
are you feeling ok ms. lalonde?

[Oh dear god she's drunk isn't she?]

2/17; Because obviously she needed too

[searsblindly]

JOHN. JOHN, GUESS WHAT? I'M FLYING.

ON A DRAGON EVEN.

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE FLYING ON A DRAGON. I AM. [Because you just had to know what you already knew, right?]

2/17; yes, excellent.

[ghostytrainer]

[...this is completely asinine oh my god. Terezi. Terezi plz.]

No Terezi, I am not on a dragon. I am on a giant ghost automaton with rockets for arms and legs. Way cooler than a dragon, which I already know you are on because you are like what? Maybe twenty feet away right now?

[HE CAN SEE YOU. HE CAN SEE HOW EXCITED YOU ARE.]

February 22nd; Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

EGBERT!

February 22nd; Voice

[ghostytrainer]

[...fuck his hot life, what did he do now? He'd been focusing so hard on his Rose impression while talking to "Dirk" that he hadn't really been paying attention to "John's" conversation with "Rose".]

That's my name, don't wear it out. What's up?

Text; March 6th after texting jane

[moveslikestrider]

hey john
im going to fly down to saffron and pick jane up
ill bring her back here

Text; March 6th

[ghostytrainer]

i don't think so!!






not without me, that is. :P
give me five minutes, i'll meet you in the lobby.
unless you're already on your way in which case: wow, not cool.

[TEXT] I would apologize, but pfffffffffffhahahaha!

[when_turks_fly]

John! Hey John. Whatre you doing? Are you up? Yuo should be up. Its like, one in the mrning.

[ Spoilers: it's actually closer to two. On the plus side, she's tipsy, but he's not bad off enough to actually go looking for him in the middle of the night. At least, she isn't yet. Proceed with caution, brave Egbert. ]

[TEXT] NEVER APOLOGIZE

[ghostytrainer]

[With April Fool's being so close, John was up a little later than he typically would be, which is a good thing because otherwise he'd be sleeping like the dead and would have missed the message entirely. But luckily, he has schemes to concoct! Muwahahaha-- oh hey who could be texting him at this hour?]

[It's probably Dave, who else would it be? It's probably going to be some weird text that basically amounts to night blogging or a shitty rap or okay it could be Val.]

[Though something seems...not right.]

uh, check your clock again, val. you're about an hour off.
i am awake though. what's up?

[Something seems...not right. Actually...this is kind of fami-- oh fuck she's drunk isn't she? She's been hanging out with Ms. Lalonde or something.]

Text; April 1st this is so terrible but i tried

[plushaeusrumpified]

i will piss on every material possession you hold dear.
i know it was you, just to be clear.
you fucked with my soap.
im gonna fuck you up, you dope.
cuz when you mess with the broll you get the fuckin horns.
hell hath no fury like a strider scorned.
have to go to the concert smellin like man.
and no one ever heard from john egbert again.

Text; April 1st no it's beautiful

[ghostytrainer]

damn, that's a cool story, bro!
haven't a clue what you're talking about, though.
sure, this is the prankster's holiday,
but with me an entire region away,
a smart guy like you has to admit,
that the perpetrator's shoe doesn't quite fit.
my foot, that is, is what i meant to say,
in this ridiculous style that just really isn't my forte.

no but seriously, if there's something wrong with your soap why didn't you just go buy a new bar?
what even happened to it in the first place?

[You're high, Bro. John didn't mess with your soap.]

[Text] April 1st

[hoperaider]

Erm.
Hello john.
About those caramel "apples" you sent me....
They uh.
Actually.
Didnt taste half bad?
I still threw them out which is a shame but theres not much i can do with a caramel covered onion.

[Text] April 1st

[ghostytrainer]

[John has to read Jake's text several times over. He...Jake...]

[What.]

[There's no way he's that oblivious, right? Surely he knows what today is?]

[Perhaps this is some kind of clever counter-pranking measure. Yes. Yes surely that is what Jake is doing. Well in that case...]

hey jake!
glad you enjoyed them. :P

Action; Backdated to March 28th

[tentacletrainer]

[[Rose had made no effort to hide the fact she had found one of those tickets, but made no effort to invite anyone as her +1. And that included John. It was on the 28th that she dragged John out shopping, not at all mentioning what the shopping was for.]]

Come on. We need to head towards the mens clothing department.

Action; Backdated to March 28th

[ghostytrainer]

[Wow. What a rude. Gosh, Rose.]

[But okay, he guesses they are going shopping. Alright. Cool.]

I'm coming, I'm coming jeez hold your horses. [Jeeeeeez!] What do we need in the men's department though? I don't need any new clothes. [Plus he's...honestly too small for the men's department still. Welp.]

April 13; Text

[plushaeusrumpified]

yo.
dude.
got a minute?

April 13; Text going to say this was before they found out about jade, yes.

[ghostytrainer]

yeah i think i have a couple minutes to spare. :P
what's up?

4/13 (several hours after that filtered post of Rose's)

[usedswift]

[Remember that time John and Tenten talked about ninja things and ghost-types? Well, she'd had to scramble at the last minute to think of something that he'd like -- ghost types and something that's kind of like her culture. It'd do!

By express-Pidgey mail arrives a small box, wrapped in wrapping paper with just a note: from Tenten, to John. Happy Birthday! Inside the box...?]

4/14

[brokenmemories]

[If John looked in his computer today, he'd find a package wrapped in wrapping paper with a note attached. Inside, he'd find these two sappy pillows that was meant to be a present for both John and Rose, as well as a special gift solely for John.

If John opened the note, he'll see this note (or letter):

John
I'm sorry for sending this late. Some stuff came up and well, its been downhill for a bit for me. I guess I'm fine now.
Enough about me, on to the point of this letter.
I do not know how or why this day is so terrible but it shouldn't be. Why? Because you were born.
That was supposed to be a joke but if you find offense to it, I do not blame you.
Anyway, if you wanted to know an actual something good that's happened to me...well, I'd say its meeting you.
I've met so many wonderful people here in this universe and I think you need to hear what I have to say about you. You're just a really cool guy and I hate hearing a person like you being so down. You're probably the only person I've said this to in my life so I hope this means something.
I'm sorry if the gifts seem sappy and tacky but hey, if they get a smile out of you in any way, that's fine with me.
Happy (late) Birthday, kid.

-Misaki

5/19, evening-ish; [voice]

[soundmind]

...[Right, he pranked her, ha ha ha good job John.]

Like I was saying...it's Maka, sorry to call you so late, but uh...it turns out you were right, there was a Duskull following me. Apparently he used to belong to me.

5/19, evening-ish; [voice]

[ghostytrainer]

[It's maybe half an hour later before John responds.]

It's cool! Sorry I didn't answer right away, I was brushing Casey. Anyway, first off: I told you so. And second: I can't believe you fell for it, hehehehehe.

text

[usedshooshpap]

JOHN.
JOHN, MY GOOD HUMAN FRIEND WITH SOME MINOR BRAIN ABNORMALITIES...
GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND UNDER CONTROL.

text

[ghostytrainer]

only some minor ones?
trying to butter me up? :P
you know though that, as her boyfriend, i have absolutely the least amount of control over her, right?
but since it's you, i can at least try to reign her in.
what did she do?

[TEXT] Backdated to May 30th | Night

[when_turks_fly]

Hey, John! It's Valeria. I just wanted to let you know that Bro and I just got off the train. We're in Saffron now. Is everyone still in Cerulean or have you moved?

[TEXT] Backdated to May 30th | Night

[ghostytrainer]

oh hey, valeria!
crap, sorry i didn't mention anything i figured dave might have told bro but i guess not.
we just arrived in saffron ourselves a little while ago, actually.

Dated to when Jade arrives in Kanto (ie today lol) [Voice]

[eclectictype]

Jooooohn!

...John!

WAKE UP, you goober! You're just gonna leave your ectosister all alone here?

text; probably like...a good two or three hours after their conversation on dave's post

[ghostytrainer]

hahaha! you really did leave me a voicemail.
wow, i am not a goober. you are.

anyway, i just remembered that jake left a few of his pokemon with me to give to you whenever you came back.
which is now, so i figure i should probably do that!
also if he didn't tell you already, it looks like dave is going to leave tomorrow to come get you.
it shouldn't take him more than a day or so flying. i would come too but... well we both think rose probably shouldn't be left alone right now.
and she's not really feeling up to traveling herself for reasons that nobody will tell me.
but i get the feeling it's somethign i shouldn't press so i'm just going to chalk it up to "meteor shenanigans" for now.
anyway, the pokemon jake left for you should be in your box now. it's way more firepower than a newbie needs but, hey it's jake.
he's your alternate universe teen grandpa-dad so he's probably just as gung-ho about making sure you leave the house prepared or whatever.

[And when Jade checks her box, she'll find that John was being quite literal about the fire power thing.]

June 22, 2013; Handwritten letter

[tentacletrainer]

[[There's a hand written note left on John's things whenever he wakes up on the morning of the 22. She made sure to wait for him to fall asleep before leaving it there, slipping quietly out after that. All of her things are gone.]]

John,

There are a few things I feel I need to sort out on my own, so I am leaving ahead of the both of you. The travel time to the next city should be enough of a break for me to get it all straight. I'll tell you all about it later, and I will of course have my gear if you absolutely need me.

No, I will not turn around or change my mind. Please try and stay out of trouble.

Thank you for being such a wonderful fiance.

Love Rose.

text; June 22, a little after 9am

[ghostytrainer]

[Though John wakes up a earlier than he normally would, it's still not early enough to catch Rose before she leaves. It's a little jarring to wake up and find that Rose is distinctly not in the last place he saw her (a.k.a.: his own arms) but he doesn't think too much of it at first. She probably just got up to go to the bathroom or something. No need to worry.]

[Sure, Rose hasn't told him shit about what happened during her final year on the meteor, nor has she explained why she's been acting so weird but he's fairly certain that she will soon. Everything will be okay.]

[It takes all of ten minutes for John to change his mind. He gets out of bed, calling for Rose as he walks through the hotel room. He finds plenty of his own sleeping Pokémon, but not a single trace of any of Rose's, nor of the girl herself. She's not in the bathroom, not in the kitchenette... nowhere. It's not until John notices the piece of paper on top of his backpack that the mystery is finally solved.]

[Well so much for that theory.]

[It's not until he reaches the final line before the closing that John really begins to worry. Yeah, it's a little upsetting that she went on ahead without them. Even moreso that she apparently waited until he was asleep to do it. But Rose is a strong trainer and has a good head on her shoulders. She'll be fine on her own, and if she really needs time to sort things out (which anyone with a brain could see) then John's not opposed to giving it to her.]

[But... "being a wonderful fiance"... does she mean that in the past or present tense? She kissed him after they woke up and she still wanted to sleep next to him last night (and with him shirtless, no less!) but...]

[Well she DID sneak out on him while he was sleeping. Maybe she's having second thoughts? The more John thinks about it, the more he starts to worry. What exactly happened on the meteor that she doesn't want to tell him? Did she start dating somebody else? Kanaya has a crush on her, after all, and she and Karkat always got along well here. What if...]

[Had she maybe used the last day and a half as a sort of test run with him? To see if she wanted to stay with him or not? Is one of the "few things" that she needs to sort out perhaps who she wants as a romantic partner?]

[John puts the note back down on his bag and goes about his morning routine, trying to put it out of his mind for a little bit. To convince himself not to worry. It's not until after he's showered, dressed, and eaten that John finally decides to text Rose. She may not want to talk to him right now, but there are a few things he needs to tell her anyway.]

be safe, alright?
and likewise, if you need me, you know my gear is always on.
take as much time as you need, alright? i know i am not always the most patient person but this is important.
so... you just get to sorting things out and feeling better. i will do my best to stay out of trouble.
and if that's not reassuring, just remember that jade will be here in a few days and she got pretty good at keeping me trouble-free over those three years on the ship.
so don't worry. :)

i love you, rose.
i know it took me a little while to remember that, but i do.

July 1st, 8am; Video

[tentacletrainer]

Good morning, my love. Guess who just walked into Celadon?

July 1st, 8am; Video

[ghostytrainer]

[Though John has been getting more sleep following the nightblogging debacle, his schedule is still a little wonky and 8am is still just too fucking early. So when Rose calls, he's still down for the count.]

[Luckily Michael J. is a much lighter sleeper, and luckily he still sleeps at the foot of John's bed. When John's Pokégear rings and he sees who is on the other line, he eagerly takes the call. All tail wags and perked ears as he picks it up and answers:]

Rr..rahrmahr! Ahma!! Maaaaaaaharma...

[He's trying to say "mama", unfortunately m's are one of the letters that still give him trouble. Frustrated with himself, he stops for a moment before trying a different approach:]

Rrrrrrrose!

Action; July 14th; 2:30am

[tentacletrainer]

[[Rose was having a hard time sleeping, even with John. She mostly didn't want to talk about it, but it involved thinking. Lots of thinking. Until the point it's been three days with only a couple hours of sleep and her mind isn't thinking anymore, it's racing.

And finally she can't let John sleep peacefully all night. She starts shaking him a little, giving his arm a pinch.]]

John...John wake up.

Action; July 14th; 2:30am

[ghostytrainer]

[Luckily for Rose, though John has been sleeping better since she returned, he's still not quite back up to his old standards. He wakes up earlier most mornings and consistently goes to sleep later than he used to. So he hasn't been asleep for very long when she decides to rouse him, meaning she's spared the usual hoop jumping she has to go through when he's REALLY out for the count.]

[That doesn't mean he isn't a little out of it though.]

Mmmnn, wha? [He lifts his head a little, twisitng back a little to look at her while rubbing his right eye.] Where's th'fire...

text | locked; backdated to July 23rd mid-evening because this should have happened

[usedswift]

JOHN.

JOHN GUESS WHAT I DID! Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ

[And look who figured out emoji too.]

text | locked; July 23rd mid-evening oh god

[ghostytrainer]

obviously it was something very exciting, let's see...

did you catch a new spike-ridden razor mon?
figure out how to use your chakra here?
built a pillow fort?

...don't tell me you got all the badges already.

Text; backdated to like the 13th gomen

[plushaeusrumpified]

john.
no matter what she says shes lying.
you are not under any circumstances allowed to start any anal activities.

Text; wtf bro.

[ghostytrainer]

um... ok??
do i WANT to know the context here?

[Anal.... activities, what? Does he mean like anal sex or what the fuck even.]

[What?]

Text August 6th

[moveslikestrider]

theres underage prostitutes in japan
it has to be from japan
no country was weird before it all got bombed to shit by meteors
why
we dont know but they pick up chicks based on their types
and apparently emote like rose

Text August 6th

[ghostytrainer]

[John spends a good two minutes just staring at this message with a perplexed look on his face. Between Bro's random text last month about anal and now this, John is beginning to wonder if maybe he should look into getting a new number, unlisted to Striders.]

[Except no, he could never do that to his best bro. This isn't even bad just... really, really random.]

ok?
what brought this on?
i'm just really not sure what to make of this or...
ok i'm really not sure what this as at all.
dave, what does this have to do with anything? help me out here, i need more context than this.

Text August 21st

[tentacletrainer]

So.
How do you feel about becoming a lab assistant for an underage, unlicensed scientist and researcher?

Text August 21st

[ghostytrainer]

depends.
am i going to wake up on a table with half my organs missing and no recollection of the previous two days?